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Part of one of my posts got edited in the reposting of support for Katz. Which is fine. But I thought I would repost a couple things that might help us all.

Remember when posting, we do not have the benefit of seeing someone's face or body language. We cannot always tell if the comment is supportive, humorous, (esp my lame humor sometimes) or has other meaning. So pausing a moment before taking comments personally, can be really helpful

Sometimes, just asking for clarity, ie: Was that a joke? Are you angry? Are you being critical of my situation? or other questions for clarity can help avoid bruised feelings.

For example, I am deaf as a post, (don;t worry i could hear good when i was working) so, it has become a tool for me to always check intent before responding because i have given some pretty odd answers to questions directed to me verbally. Yet even then sometimes I respond to something that was not even asked, missed the subject and thought I knew what was asked. Fortunately I have good friends who rephrase the comment, then laugh with me over the totally off the wall answer.

Just some thoughts

NancyN

By jj803
Posted October 25, 2009 at 6:33 pm
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Nancy,

Thanks for this post. I think you are right on target about the missing non verbal (written only here of course) cues and the ease with which we can misinterpret meaning and intent. Great advice.

JJ

By nancynursez637
Posted October 25, 2009 at 6:45 pm
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I forgot to add, life is the most difficult for us when we are sick. A nursing arts lesson was about how patients are not at their best when sick and may be overwhelmed, emotional, tired, frustrated and or angry, Or all of the above.

amazing i can remember a nursing arts lesson from that long ago lol

By Ciboney1
Posted October 25, 2009 at 7:03 pm
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Thanks Nancy for reminding us that we aren't face to face when commenting on line...Things can be taken out of context pretty easily...
Arlene

By roadrunner
Posted October 25, 2009 at 8:03 pm
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I agree, and also respect others posts as you may not know the relationship between the one who posted it and the responder.....it may look odd to you, but the one who has asked for help understands completely...

Ginger

By Tagmike
Posted October 25, 2009 at 8:11 pm
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i just wanted to add Nancy, that often our caregivers are not at their best either. It's difficult to stand by and watch a loved one go down hill. We may try to offer comfort where we can, but are also understress, feeling helpless and out of control. During these times passions can take over and a wrong word, or gesture, or misunderstanding may make things worse. Its hard to step back at these times. This is why I advocate professional help to resolve these issues.
You can remember that lesson so well because it is so important and seen so frequently. Thanks for your common sense and compassion.
Mike

By 15yrsurvivor
Posted October 25, 2009 at 10:45 pm
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Nancy, my mother-in-law is getting very hard-of-hearing, and we have had similar humorous incidents where she gave totally inappropriate responses to questions or comments. I am sorry to find out that you are deaf, but greatly admire your ability to retain your sense of humor about it!

I think Mike makes a good point about caregivers suffering from stress, too. I cannot imagine watching my husband slowly deteriorate, or any loved one for that matter.

By Leslie45
Posted October 25, 2009 at 11:57 pm
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Nancy,

I totally agree with what you are saying (or posting). With today's technology of instant communication and information many times the emotion in a message is misunderstood. As most of us now communicate 50% or more via e-mail in the workforce, it is so important to double check your e-mail prior to be sent to insure that the message is coming across accurately.

I have often felt that e-mail etiquette classes should be required for some of my co-workers.

Leslie

By Cheyenne
Posted October 26, 2009 at 12:07 am
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Hey Katz, we just spoke (communicated? virtual conversation?) and you know I am here and the numbers to call. Don't worry about your pets, I can get to Arkansas and take care of them if you need a temporary baby sitter but I doubt that will be necessary. I think you made the right call about not sending your , your, well whatever it is, down the stairs. Getting rid of rubble is not what it used to be. I'll get with you later. Good thing we both have satellite phones, sure beats e-mail!

By sunshine604
Posted October 26, 2009 at 12:10 am
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Hi Nancy -
Just another observation from the past few days, and even before. When new people come to this site, they may assume everyone wants advice because that's what they usually join for. Those of us who have been through it all and have had lots of contact with other members may not be looking for advice at all, but just support and understanding. So when someone says "What shall I do?", they may want definite answers, or they may only want us to validate them. It's hard to know which answer to give, unless you know the background.

We may know right away which it is, but newer members may not, and may give what they assume to be a good bit of advice in answer to a post, not realizing that's not what was hoped for. We need to keep this in mind when analyzing the intent.
Just a thought.
Eileen

By nancynursez637
Posted October 26, 2009 at 12:42 am
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Great thought Eileen, and we all can offer what comes to mind and allow the person to pursue what sounds right, or recognize sometimes folks just need to vent. I see several in here have had a vent, then thanks us and did not really want any advice. Just wanted a safe place to blow off steam

Nancyn

By Cheyenne
Posted October 26, 2009 at 12:45 am
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Good point Eileen and good discussion Nancy. The world of technology can present limitations. But even with verble communications things are sometimes misunderstood. For example: I didn;t say i robbed the bank; or I DIDN'T say I robbed the bank; or I didn't SAY I robbed the bank; or I dind't say I robbed the bank; or I didn't say I ROBBED the bank : or I didn't say I robbed the BANK: etc. Communication have been know to start wars. Technology does make it difficult especially when there are technical problems or computer glitches or keyboard mistakes. It sure can get complicated. I guess it is important for all of us to be careful regardless of what kind of communication we are using. Sometimes things get misinterpreted and posts deleted and that can change the complexion of an entire discussion. Emotions, misinterpretations, technical problems, we all need to keep in mind that sometimes the way a discussion starts may not be reflected in its outcome. So the entire discussion should be read. Sometimes , and this is easy to do, a person will respond somewhere in the middle of a discussion, not knowing what was said earlier. And as I said, when parts of a discussion are eliminated for whatever reason, it can be difficult for a person to follow to flow it. It's a tough challenge, but one that we all do need to consider. I have two friend who have businesses. They often borrow from each other to cover short term expenses. One day one called the other and told Bruce's wife to tell Bruce he needed $10,000 for a delivery the next day. She said OK, he'll put it in the mail box. Bruce got the message. The part he got was "put it in the mail". "box" was left out"So when my other friend went to pick up his money after Bruce left for vacation nothing was there. Bruce mailed it. Well that sure was a problem. It got resolved of course. It was funny later. But when something is left out or removed, it changes things. True story, I ended up in the middle of it. And being in the middle of coming up with 10 grand is not fun at at 10 PM.

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