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Is there life after a loss?

Monica65
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So far i can't see past the loss to move on with my life. My mom Judi was my best friend and she passed 2/26/08 after just being diagnosed a month before. My mom was only 61 years old.

I think about her just about 24/7. I think about where she is and what's she's doing. We were pals and did a lot together. My mom was part of me and when she died half my heart died along with her.

I know it's only been a little over a month since she passed but, i still can't get on with my life. I miss her too much. Everyday i wake up and know she's physically not here with me i get more lonely and it makes it harder to get on with my day.

Is there REALLY life after a loss???

Monica

Explore topics in this discussion:

Pneumonia Cancer Counseling Pain Bereavement Lung cancer

7 replies

Kristasmom

Dear Monica, I am so sorry for the "loss" of your dear Mom. The questions you ask are the exact questions I've had about my daughter.....and I think very normal questions people have when they are grieving. I recommend a very good little paperback book called How to Survive the Loss of a Love. It has given me very practical advice about how to just be easy on myself during this process. You and your Mom were so blessed to have such a special loving relationship. I personally believe she is watching over you and someday you will see each other again!

Tamster

Dear Monica
I think there is a life after loss. I don't know when though. I feel the same as you. I lost my Mum on the 8 July 2007 after a short 8 week battle with NSCLC Stage IV. I can relate to my Mum when I think you never get over the loss of a loved one but as Mum would say - Get on with it girl! We often cried together over many years talking about her Mum and Dad and missing them. I never really understood I guess, because they were my Nana and Pop, not my MUM. I am still grieving. I have good days and bad days. To make matters worse. I work in a major hospital and Mum died there so I have to go to work every day knowing my wonderful mother died there. But during those short 8 weeks we would cry together, she never told us the terminal nature of the disease. I feel she did not want to accept it but I knew, because I work in a hospital and have done so for 22 years. I knew it was bad. I did not want to accept it either. I was 5 months pregnant at the time. We would cry and she would say, that's enought of that - Let's get on with it. There are other people worse off than me here - they are dying. Then she would say we are all dying here. Oh, I can't believe it - I have so much more to say but I want you to know I feel exactly the same way as you. I have comfort in the fact that I am not the only one. Please keep in contact. God Bless Tammy

Monica65

It's stilll hard. It's only been since February and i know i have a long way to go emotionally. I went to 3 sessions of counseling and it was held in hospice where she took her last breath.

When you walk into hospice, you would see her room straight ahead. I only went 3x. Just staring at her room from a distance when i walked in was HARD.

My mom was my life and best friend. Living my life withhout her is still unbearable

Tamster

I am going to show my sister this site. My sister spent all her time with my Mum as she said Mum was her best friend. I was close to Mum but my sister and her were extremely close, they worked together and Mum lived in her rental property so she spent alot of time with Mum. They called themselves Thelma and Louise. I am still coming to terms with my loss but my sister, I am sure, still cries every day. I miss my Mum like crazy but feel I will see her again when my times comes around. I still talk to Mum. I love her so much. Just remember there are others out there who care. I am online every few days so feel free to contact me.

Angie-in-SC

I don't know why I haven't found this site sooner. I was replying to a friend in the Lung Cancer group and saw that she was a member of this one too.
Monica,
I feel your pain, just like Krista's mom and Tammy.
April 22nd marked the first year of Mama's death. She fought bravely for 6 short months, before we lost her. I was also pregnant at the time with our second little girl. Mama was very active. She bowled twice a week on leagues, walked daily at our local mall with two of her friends, and to be honest - couldn't sit still very long. She was a former smoker, though, but had quit for almost 10 years. She had been experiencing shortness of breath and had a cough. Mama saw her internist regularly and was never sick. He treated her for pneumonia for a few months before the scan showed lung cancer. I have a picture on my refrigerator that I both love and hate. It was at my little girl's Halloween party at preschool. I love it because she's holding my oldest - Carolann (3 yrs old) and still has her hair, but I hate it because you can see the fear in her eyes. I gave birth to Lauren on Jan. 9, 2007, and I lost my precious mother that April at the young age of 64.
Everyday is still a struggle for me. I have purchased a few books, but to be honest, haven't read any of them. I did read one small one called Good Grief. Thank you, Krista's mom, for the suggestion of the other book. I do need to read. I tried a bereavement support group at the hospital where she died. The first time I went, I cried before even introducing myself because it was the first time I'd been there since losing Mama. I can only imagine how hard it has been for you, Tammy. I went to the support group a few times, but stopped. I don't know if that was a good idea or not to quit going. Life is just kind of hectic with two little girls, and my husband has a weird work schedule. My girls are a blessing, though. They keep me going.
I'm sorry I've rambled. I just want you to know that I'm here too. I'm also so glad that I found this group.
It has gotten a little better, Monica, but I know exactly how you feel. Take your time. After I put the girls to bed last night, I sat outside and just cried for a little while. Mama was my best friend.
I'm thinking of you all.
with a big hug, Angie

Monica65

Thanks Angie. It's officially 2 months today 4/26/08. Yesterday was a VERY hard day. I literally cried the whole day/night. I will be ok for 1 day and then next day forget it. I will be a MESS! I don't understand why yesterday was so bad. It should be today.

I just know how to move on without my best friend

mareluna

Hi to all,
I am sorry for the loss of your loved ones. Tomorrow will be 15 weeks since Dan passed away.
Life does indeed go on. I see the people I saw when Dan was still here. And those that were not here for us before are not here for me now. That's how Dan said it would be.
I found a job six weeks after he passed away. I bought a new car, went on a trip, go to the pool, hang out with a few of his family members. I joined a bereavement group at my church.
I was asked out on a date. Well I am not dating. At least not now. One day at a time....
Take care,
Rose

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