So Many Words Unspoken

There are so many words to say, but when I need to speak not a word comes out of my mouth. You are such a kind soul and have such a forgiving heart. So many girls would come to you yet you choose to stay with me, even when I am beyond my worst. Any mistake that someone could make in a relationship I have succeeded at. I have broken your heart and your trust on more than one occasion, but you have never strayed. Even when I pushed you away completely you never stopped and as you felt hatred that I deserved you decided it was because you needed to change. I cry and you hold me, I fight and you pull me close, I feel sad or angry and you know something’s wrong, when I need you, you’re there. I feel I have been un-fair and un-kind. You have given and given and yet I feel like I haven’t quite given enough. Sometimes I feel like I have one foot out the door, at the sign of trouble I try to leave and yet you just hold me closer. When you said you gave up I had to disagree and my anger wasn’t towards you, it was because I realized just how terrible I have been. Now you are trying to fix things that I should be fixing and you are even trying to find a place for just us. It is hard to relax after so many years of doing things right and being told I was wrong. I am trying to work on it but you need to give me time as much as I need to give you time. I always came back when I made a mistake and strayed and I can’t thank you enough for letting me. You are right when you said that most wouldn’t be able to handle me but what makes that statement worse is the idea that I wouldn’t do it to anyone else. God gave me you for a reason and it has to be partly because you will keep me no matter what I do or how I am. I will never stray again for so many reasons and the starting reason is that my heart can’t take me doing something stupid like cheating or leaving again. It hurts me to see you cry and it hurts even more to know that I caused those tears. I spent so much time not wanting to be like my family and yet everything they’ve done to me, I’ve done to you. I lied, cheated, ran, yelled, hit, went over bored and even pretended that I didn’t care. I have tried to make you learn a lesson, tried to lie to your face when I knew that you didn’t believe me, I tried to blame you, tried to push you away, and even contradicted everything. This isn’t what I expected and I know better because it happened to me. You’re trying so hard and I am so proud of you for getting your life started and privileged that I could be part of it. Thank you for everything you have done and everything you are about to do. I love you and always will, That is the one promise that no matter what I have done I could not seem to break.

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