Its A New Day....

I'm hoping today is a better day. Yesterday i was a mess!! I felt like i was all alone dealing with this.... I know tho that i'm not and that its not all bout me. My step dad is out of town on a fishing trip so i stayed with my mom all day and night. My brother, gpa, and uncle live out of town. My mom is the luckiest lady to have the friends she has in this small town... they'd do anything for her and i don't know what id do without them.

So for those of you who don't know my mom was diagnosed in march of 2008 with extensive SCLC that had spread to her liver and bones. She had TONS of chemo and a round of radiation over the past year. She did great through them until this last chemo. She has sooo much swelling its sad. I feel terrible for her. Her face, arms, legs feet! :( Her last scan showed about the same... Two spots still in her liver but about the same size as before, and still in her bones. She wanted to enjoy her summer (so much for that) so she is done with chemo for the summer. Awhile back she had one of those pain pumps put in, and it seems we go once maybe twice a week to increase it. She gets these nasty back spasms that just take everything out of her. I just want her to be comfortable.... to be able to go relax by the lake and fish or something else she loves. Seems she sleeps most of the day and i feel is alone way too much. I'm trying so hard to be here more, sometimes its hard!

I work nights and she was always the one to watch my 5 year old son. He loved coming over and being grandmas helper!! Now i think its getting to be to much. He's the best little boy, but what if something happened? One day i was heading off to work and Brayden (my boy) was in the pool. Mom went to get in.. you have to step up and over an she fell and smacked her head on the cement. She hates that she can't do alot of stuff on her one. She gets a little off balance and we catch her alot falling asleep standing up.

Anybody else going to the back pain? I was reading about fractures in the spine because of radiation? I just can't believe she is still in so much pain after the pump and all the oral meds she's taking. It seems they just keep dopin her up... sometimes she'll say something off the wall or that don't make any sense. sometimes we all joke bout it but really? i want her to enjoy the time we have left..... :(

We go in July 20th for scan. Thanks for listening...