What to say or do

My sister has a stage 4 glioblastoma . Following surgery to remove a portion of the tumor she did well until she fell. She was in the hospital and then moved to a facility for rehab. She returned to her home yesterday and her husband is intolerant of her behavior since her coming home. She prefers to lie on the couch, sleeping much of the time. He stated this evening that "No one told me it would be like this!" and also said "I really can't take much of this." He has not accepted this diagnosis well as far as I'm concerned, and don't know what I can do to help him to accept the "new normal." It is quite a journey for us all.

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He needs some help,and education. She will be tired a lot of the time,and not be exactly the way she was. I take care of my husband,and he sleeps lots,and I get him up,and take him out to eat,and enjoy that I have him. With brain tumors people rarely go back to the same routine of life, thye have a new normal. Someone needs to talk to him,and get him in a group to help. If he is abusive, there is someone to contact for this. Kathy, Toms wife

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Abusive he is not, although I don't like some of the things he says to her. I spent this morning with her so he could attend our church service. He did not attend. Not at all patient with getting her to do things, and "bugs" her about the same things constantly. I've told him he needs to learn to be tolerant of her life activity now (and lack of as well) and accept the fact that big changes are coming. He's not able to accept change readily and is the first to say so.

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He needs therapy.

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It's very frustrating to watch your spouse deteriorate. Mine has turned into a 15 year old. She sleeps all the time, spends hours on her iPhone, hoots and hollers at hot men on tv. Trying to get her out of the house is very difficult, although she is physically capable as of now. Once we do get out, every trip turns into shopping for cheatah and leopard print clothes or fingernail decals. And these are the good times.

Once you have to spend nights in the hospital, rush over to the ER on a monthly basis, continue to get bad news from scans, I completely understand yelling. We've fought more in the last month than the previous 20 years.

So if he is being cruel, demeaning, or violent, then you may need to consider stepping in. If he is just venting frustrations, thats probably good for him. Maybe he needs to read this MB to fully understand what is down the road and pray for God's Grace to help him through it.

Best of health for your sister.

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