My husband is now in hospice. He was diagnosed with GBM in July of 2008, has had two resections, radiation, 2 clinical trials, 5 cases of radiation necrosis related meningitis, left sided hemi neglect, visual field loss, a small stroke, and now has left sided paralysis. He was the smartest man I knew, but now has suffered some cognitive deficiencies. He worked as a pulmonary, critical care sleep and internal medicine physician, and so for the first three years, he did not suffer many effects. then in january of this year, he was in and out of the hospital with psuedomones meningitis. He is now on life long IV antibiotics. His cognitive deficits make the experience very isolating and lonely, since he was always the one I would talk to about things. He is in a lot of denial, even now, when he can no longer get treatment because nothing is working. I find this site useful in that it helps me to see that my own frustration and loneliness is about grief and loss. The loss does not come all at once, or even very quickly. It is a gradual thing over weeks, months and even years. I try to remember him five years ago, and sometimes fear that I won't remember him as the man I married. I feel like I have another child, and I so often want to say to him, to the world, where did you put my husband? When I am in a more centered state, I can see how lucky I am, though. He is kindness and appreciation, and he reminds me daily how much he loves me. I, too, tell him how much I love him, but when I'm sad, I fell so much grief over the daily losses and the daily exhaustive grind that consumes your life in this process of dying.