My Dad has been in a dementia/memory care facility for ONLY two weeks now. He has mild/moderate alzheimers. He appears to have forgotten the basics of going to the toilet safely and has regressed noticably. The staff said this is normal and an adjustment. Since its "assisted" only, not a nursing home, he is supposed to pull the emergency cord for assistance when he has to go to the toilet or for other needs...how in the world does this place think people with dementia are going to REMEMBER to do that??? We are sick with worry that he will fall while trying to pull his pants down (wears Depends) unassisted. He has night terrors as well, saying people are getting in his room. My mother wants to pull him out and bring him back home, she said it wasn't that bad taking care of him. Anyone have advice for me? What should I ask for? What is a good ratio of staff to resident at these places? They have only 3 for 24-26 residents! Im so stressed calling and complaining and checking every day (I live out of town) I think I will lose MY mind!




Dear Chocomama --
A couple of thoughts. The homes that I checked out before my husband moved into assisted living/memory care base their staffing on the needs of the residents -- a point system.
When your dad moved in to the memory care facility, did you and senior staff draw up a written care plan? Did the care plan make clear what type of help he needs with toileting? If his plan seems right to you, you are altogether within your rights to insist that they do what they agreed to. If the plan isn't clear, it's never too early to rework it.
If the staff is just not doing what they agreed to do and conversations with senior staff don't help, you might contact the assisted living ombudsman in the area where your father is. You could be helping another resident who doesn't have such an observant, active advocate as you are. My husband's home is very good, and the manager insists that family members talk with her about problems -- so we do. :-)
Good luck and hang in there. Your dad is very fortunate to have you.