will the wedding confuse her

• By BobDeMarco
• Reply 3303708
• August 19, 2012 at 2:03 pm
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I am very confident that you are going to be very happy you did this. I can't wait to hear about the outcome. Please let us know how it goes.

To start, I have no idea how old your mom is but I can tell you this. When I would take Dotty out and after two hours or more when I would ask if she wanted to go home she would always say no, lets stay. Dotty was in her 90s.

Since you seem concerned, I would suggest you find a table where there are not too many people moving about. This might cause a bit of confusion. If necessary, you could sit your mom looking away from all the movement.

I would suggest you start talking about this wonderful event to your mom now. Smile at her and say the name of her granddaughter and tell her she is getting married. Keep the words short. Get her ready in advance. I would talk to her about the event several times each day.

Encourage your family and friends to come and sit down and talk to your mom. If they want to know what to say, tell them the same things they always talk about. You might have to warn them if they don't already know that your mom might say things that are no longer true. Instead of correcting your mom, suggest they go with the flow.

Don't leave mom sitting all alone. Keep her engaged. There are always wonderful people at a wedding, I am sure they will be happy to help.

Even though I don't know you and your family, I am really proud of you for including in your mom. This is what care is all about.

God bless,

Bob DeMarco, Founder
Alzheimer's Reading Room

• By liag
• Reply 3304094
• August 19, 2012 at 5:02 pm
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Thank you for your response. I will follow your suggestions and I'll have the family on board. Even though our mom does not remember alot or understand fully the where and the why, I know deep down this event will touch her soul.
This reading room has been a great help to me and in helping me . . . I can be a better help to mom. God Bless You!

• By arianna123
• Reply 3306000
• August 20, 2012 at 12:03 pm
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Liag --

You've planned well to rely on Ann and her husband to take your mom home when mom wants to leave. How thoughtful of you to include your mother. Bob DeMarco has said all you need to know.

• By liag
• Reply 3306992
• August 20, 2012 at 6:08 pm
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Thank you arianna. You and Bob have helped me feel more confident about this. And, I really appreciate Bob's suggestion of little reminders of a wedding. God Bless !

• By MAW12
• Reply 3307249
• August 20, 2012 at 7:43 pm
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Liag,

It is great that you are taking Mom. I could not take my Mom to my step son's wedding as it was in a concert hall and could not accommodate a wheel chair. She would have been so confused and distraught over all the noise and confusion, so it did not bother me that she did not go. I however took many photos, downloaded them on my laptop and took my laptop to her to show her all the pictures. She was so cute, she said who are all of these people dressed up. When I tried to explain, still did not get it. Then I knew I made the right choice.
I wish you best of luck and hope you all have fun. Will look forward to hearing how it all went.

• By cmn1 (Inactive)
• Reply 3307645
• August 20, 2012 at 10:23 pm
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It sounds like you've planned well and I'd bet the day will be great. My husband and I drove from Colorado to San Francisco three years ago for his granddaughter's wedding. It was a most unusual wedding -- they rented a nightclub for the evening and had the ceremony/reception there. He had a grand time, but never did understand that it was a wedding. The trip was difficult, but well worth it and I'd do it again. Have a wonderful time.

• By liag
• Reply 3310184
• August 21, 2012 at 8:37 pm
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So glad to hear that all went well for you at your celebration. I was really concerned about this and since I have gotten positive responses I feel more confident and at ease and if I, along with other family members, am at ease I think my mom will be also.
God Bless You!

• By Hummingbird628
• Reply 3311211
• August 22, 2012 at 8:28 am
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Several years ago my sis, who was caring for our Dad, assigned one of our brothers to care for Dad during my nephew's wedding. Dad was not too bad off at that point, but was very clingy to my sister. She wanted him there, but it was her son's wedding and she didn't want to have to care for Dad. It worked out well.

Fast forward to when my kids got married three years ago (two in one year!). Since my sis and her husband had to travel 500 miles to get to our weddings, she opted to leave Dad. He was in a memory care unit by then and really didn't know my kids by that time.

Same weddings but my Mom in law (who I now care for). I took my cue from my sis and assigned someone to care for my MIL. She wasn't too bad off yet, but I needed someone who would get her to where she needed to be so I wouldn't have to worry about her.

Fast forward again to earlier this year we went to a niece's wedding (my MIL's grand daughter) and my husband and I said that we would take charge of his Mom - especially since she was living with us - but when we got there, an older gentleman sat and talked with her during the pre-wedding time, she sat with the family during the wedding, someone else volunteered to get her to the reception, and she spent the reception with her brother in law. We hardly saw her all day!

I think each case has to be evaluated individually. I would recommend that if you have an official part of a wedding, get someone to take charge of your confused loved one for the day. That's not so you can ignore them, but so you can relax and have a good time knowing someone is helping your loved one to have a good time as well.

• By liag
• Reply 3313407
• August 22, 2012 at 9:54 pm
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Hummingbird628 . . . You are so nice and thank you for the recommendation. Ann (woman that helps mom during the week) and her husband will be sitting with my mom and dad. Mom is comfortable around Ann and Ann knows and understands mom's way more than anyone. Even if she is confused . . . I hope she enjoys having people talk to her and smiling faces and all the pretties. Thank you and everyone for your comments and advice . . . I know I will be able to relax more. This definitely a learning experience and even though I hate that my mom is going thru this . . . it has changed me for the good. I pray that God blesses all of you, my friends, and that He will keep us strong. God Bless!