Thanks for listening

• By jdpitt
• Reply 3489871
• October 25, 2012 at 9:56 pm
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Oh cmn1 I am so sorry. I hope all your tests turn out ok, and that the weather cooperates so you can go for your visit. We have had snow and cold weather too. Not looking forward to this winter.
Take care of yourself and know that prayers are being said for you and your family.

• By Vwogdaughter
• Reply 3489875
• October 25, 2012 at 9:57 pm
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(((((HUGS))))) you really do have a lot to deal with right now. It must be so hard having to go through this longing for the support that can't come from your dear husband. This is a very cruel desease. I know you are sad and worried about not being able to visit with him like you wish you could. Being pulled in so many directions is no fun. You take care of yourself. Don't hesitate to come on here any time. We are here for each other. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

• By CB2012 (Inactive)
• Reply 3489887
• October 25, 2012 at 10:01 pm
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Sending prayers to you, your husband and your doctors. It sounds like you and your husband have a lot of love for one another. You are not alone in this journey and I am pulling for you and your hubby as well. I hope you are on the mend soon.

• By Lakegirl2
• Reply 3490731
• October 26, 2012 at 8:25 am
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I am so sorry you are going through all this. Maybe you could make up a story that your husband would understand without telling him about the medical tests. Could you call him and let him know you are thinking of him during the day? You know best. I will keep you in my prayers and hope the test results are fine. Please let us know how you are doing.

• By chestnut
• Reply 3491066
• October 26, 2012 at 10:17 am
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I agree with Lakegirl2. Make up a good story. I have always prided myself on being as honest as they come, but since my dad got AD, I've learned to tell white lies. It's better for him and for me; saves a lot of anxiety.

• By msshell67
• Reply 3492435
• October 26, 2012 at 7:27 pm
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I agree with chestnut and Lakegirl2. My mother lost her husband 5 years ago and she doesn't remember. She keeps asking where he is and one day said that he must have left her. We just tell her that he is just out running around as usual and leave it at that. I don't want her to grieve all over again everytime she asks. Little white lies are become common place around here.

• By madmommic
• Reply 3492726
• October 26, 2012 at 9:57 pm
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cmn1, I am so sorry for you in your present situation!. I am praying for you as I read this. Please don't let your inability to see your husband this last few days, make you feel guilty. You are doing and have done the very best for him that you possibly can, just by trying to stay as healthy as you can so that you can stay in control of what happens to him. And remember, this disease does not allow him to understand how important that is to his welfare. I know how you feel about not having him there for the support that he has always been--same here, but because he was so supportive for you in the past, you are now being required to take the best care of yourself that you can so that you can be there to care for him, advocate for him, and generally be his support. Find out everything you can about your own physical condition and take whatever steps you need to to take care of yourself so that you are able, for as long as possible, to take care of him. This is what you are here for now, so don't let any kind of feeling of guilt or distress deter you from what you are needed to do; and, I might add, seem extremely willing and able to do (with prayer and facing every situation). Don't let guilt that has no basis take over and cause you to falter. You are strong and you are in control; even though right now, I'm sure it doesn't feel like that right now, but please hang in there and know that all of us on this site are here to be your sounding board and offer any strength we can. Let us know what you have learned about your own condition. God bless.

• By cmn1 (Inactive)
• Reply 3492740
• October 26, 2012 at 10:06 pm
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Thanks to you all for your comments, suggestions and support. Today was much better -- I don't know why yesterday was so hard.

It's true that I've gotten pretty good at making up stories. My husband usually thinks I'm one of his aunts, (neither one of which I knew), but I don't know which one so my responses to his questions sometimes cause a bit of puzzlement on his part. He called this evening asking where his wife (that's me) was and saying that he hadn't talked with her in a long time. (I don't know who he thought he was talking to -- if anyone has an idea how to ask that question, I'd be delighted.) I reminded him that she had called him earlier today and that she plans to see him tomorrow. That satisfied him, at least for the time being. Our relationship has become almost entirely fantastical and imaginary.

Again, thanks for listening. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

• By Macs_help
• Reply 3493044
• October 27, 2012 at 1:18 am
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I also seem to be several people to my father. It happened with my mother, too. I was always her sister, not her daughter.
My father has several sisters, who live far away, and he often introduces me as one of them. I am here visiting.
He will discuss things with me like I am one of his sisters, chatting about the way things were when they were growing up.

I usually gently remind him that I am his daughter, not my Aunt B______or Aunt D______.

Sometimes I will ask him to look at me and think for a moment. "Who am I?"
About half the time he remembers, when he stops to think.

The people at his church know him, and they know my sister and I (We are the ones who most often bring him to church). They are nice people.
It can get confusing, though, when we are meeting strangers, and it is important that they know who I am. For example, when he sees a doctor that is not his regular doctor (She knows who we are). When any of us have taken him in to the emergency room, or to the lab for whatever tests his doctor has ordered we are constantly identifying ourselves to the doctors and nurses. Thank goodness for computerized records! We can visit any office in the system and they can check to see that we have the right to be there, and to ask questions and so on.

And I agree with the other people: Telling white lies that smooth things over is often the best way of dealing with things that can no longer be understood.
I am often finding I need to do that with my father.
He will suggest somewhere that he would like to go. He will start planning that tomorrow we will do... whatever.
I need to keep reminding him that I work, and tomorrow is Monday, I have to go to work.
Well, what about the weekend?
That is so far away that he will have forgotten whatever I tell him, so I always say, "Yes, we can go for a drive next weekend." Almost every weekend is available, and I do take him out somewhere, but once in a while I have something else that needs doing. I do not go into these details any more.

• By jindex
• Reply 3590310 · In reply to 3489875 by Vwogdaughter
• December 2, 2012 at 11:16 am
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This is a demanding disease. Misunderstandings arise constantly. Never clear answers. Frustration. Anger. Anxiety. We have to look after ourselves. Take time out. Get someone to cover if only for a couple of hours or someone to do cleaning. Our loved ones do not understand us and can not help like they use to help.