My mother has we suspect the beginning stages of alzheimers and are trying to get her to go to a dr but she refuses. I think that she is afraid of what the dr will say. How can I help her. I have recently moved to Colorado and my parents have moved here also 3 weeks ago. My father has heart disease and is not able to walk anylonger. They are trying to sell there home in Louisainia and buy a home in my area. Until they do they are living with my family . My husband, my son and my developementaly challanged daughter, and my self moved to Colorado in April so we are new to the area here. How do I not scream and go crazy dealing with the stress and still stay sane and deal with my mothers mood swings and try to help my father with his health and my husbands and my own, plus my daughter. I refuse to force my children to deal with this. I am just trying to understand and deal with all of this. How can i mange my job and still help my parents? Thank you

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First let me say Welcome to this site. I do agree that you have your hands full. I think that when you all get settle, I think it would be best that you go to a doctor appointment with your Mom so that they can test her to see if she has AD. If you can talk with the doctor first to let him know what you have experience with Mom. Mom and Dad may be a candidate for an assistant living facility.
One thing that was recommended to me when I got onto this site was to get the book "The 36 Hour Day",I hope you get it as it has a lot of wonderful information. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family.

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Thank you for your help and I will deffinately go and see if I can find the book. Just having someone that will understand my frustration and fear helps a lot. I read some of the posts from others and I just cried. I know my mother will have these soon and it breaks my heart to think about it. I really thank you for the prayers and thoughts. I think that just knowing that there is somewhere that I can turn will help me and my family. Again thank you so much

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Welcome to this unusual, strange, painful, dreamlike, crazy trip that you are getting ready to embark on. My mom's neurologist (that specialized with dementia/AD) was very thorough in looking at her medications, determining was she depressed or anxious, had she had any type of neurological occurences, etc prior to diagnosing her with moderate Alzheimer's. A lot of what actually helped them determine my mom had AD was my input about what I was seeing in addition to her memory test.

Whatever may be....please let me encourage you to take time for yourself if possible. I have had to recharge weekly or I would be useless to my mom or anyone/anything else important in my life.

Keep us posted. We are here for you...

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Welcome... Oh I do recall the first time I went with my mom to the doctors, I told her I wouldn't speak to him unless I had a concern with her visit. She even drove that day. Wow it now seems so long ago. I was not pleased with her doctor all her kept tell me was that it was elder memory loss, "really"? after going to a few of her visits that year and seeing her decline more and more I knew that something had to be done.
I started driving her everywhere telling her that I just worried about others on the road and didn't think her reaction time was as good as it use to be. I recall the day I got a phone call from her that I started shaking hearing her fear but her trying not to show it to me. She was at our local Walmart sitting on a bench while another person was looking for her car, she could not even recall what area she parked in. That for me was the wake up call ~ but trying to convince my mom that she was having some serious memory problems would be harder to convince.
In 2010 it was like everything I had been dealing with, the stress of going to mom's house daily to help her find something or to help her pay her bills and so on finished. I received a call from mom after dinner and she tells me I think I broke my wrist, I was frantic, I took her to the hospital and sure enough she had. To make a long story short ~ it was a very stressful time.
Today 2 years later and a lot of ups and downs she is settled living with us with mid-late stage Alzheimer's.
We are all here for you... post anything you want and i'm sure we will all do our best to help you and your family through this very difficult time. Love and Light xx

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My mom was first diagnosed about two years ago. My dad, sisters, and I had been noticing Mom's lapses of memory, constantly asking the same questions over and over. We did some research and found that Baylor School of Medicine in Houston, TX had an AD/Memory clinic. We requested an appointment and they sent us a new patient packet. There were lots of questions. We included Mom in filling out the questionnaire. She was not happy, kept saying we were trying to have her committed. We eventually reassured her we were only trying to take care of her the way she had cared for us growing up.

In Houston, we saw a Dr. Albo. She was very thorough. She determined Mom had moderate AD. Many of the tests they performed were visual and since my mom is blind she did not do very well. If she was allowed to touch and feel the object, she could identify it.

Mom was already on Aricept at the time. Dr. Albo added Namenda and Lexpro for her "pity parties". She is doing relatively well. This past weekend she actually remembered my sister's phone number. Not that she was trying to call my sister but, she remembered.

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I found out back in July that my mom indeed has alzhiemers. We suspected that she did for a very long time now. My father passed away and she has declined a lot since hs death in June. I live with her because she cannot be left alone.
It is hard getting them to go see a doctor. Maybe you could try making her an appointment to get established with a doctor there since your parents just moved there. Then you could talk to the nurse before hand and let her know your suspicions, or maybe even send them a letter beforehand. If you get her there you could slip the doc a note or get the nurse aside and talk to her or the doc about your mom needing to be evaluated/tested. I know how difficult it is being pulled is so many directions. My husband is disabled and I have a grown son who has several health problems ect......
This is a wonderful place to come to where people do understand you. We are all going through the same or very similar situations. So feel free to vent any time. We are here for each other. God bless you and I will keep you and your mother in my prayers.

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Thank you so much it really helps just to have someone to talk to that understands and hopefully wont judge. I was upset at work today and my mom met me at the door and asked what can I do to help you. I just stood there and said I have no idea I just walked in the front door lol. I am trying to cook supper and rest my brain from work and it helps so much just to let it out. Thank you all for the wonderful support and I am new to all of this but I will deffinately be a good listener if someone wants to vent. God Bless you all

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shawneemissy, you do indeed have a lot going on, and moving to a new state on top of it all.

If you can join any clubs, a church, support groups that relate to any of the medical conditions of any of your family, I am sure they will help with all the issues. I am concerned for you having so much on your plate, and so little support system around you.
Caregivers of just one person get burned out. Having 3 relatives that all need some of your time is going to be very tiring for you.

Think about getting some help before you reach the burn out stage.

Many organizations have some sort of groups that get together to visit, support each other, and offer help. It might just be a phone number or a name of a person who could come over to your place and give you a break. Ask about services that may be available based on the needs of each of the 3 people you care for. Getting some services for any one of them will take some of the problems off your plate.
Does your developmentally challenged daughter qualify for any services?
Were either of your parents in the military? There may be some help there.

Sometimes the help will be financial, and you could hire a responsible person to come in and help out on a regular basis. Other times the help could be home care products that you may need, or simply some information, like a reliable adult day care center. Having a place to ask about your concerns can be wonderful, both here, on line, and in person.

When the house in LA sells will there be enough money for your parents to move to their own place? And will they be capable of doing that? Talk to a specialist in the finances of the elderly to see what is the best thing they can do with that money.

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Thanks for the advice I really appreciate it. I have been trying to get my parents to go and see what is going on in the community around my home and the area they are looking to buy in. As for my daughter she recieves SSI and that helps monitary but that is all she qualifies for. My father was in the national guard but we have not been able to recieve any help for him from them. He served for 12 yrs and that was during the Viet Nam era. My parents are looking to buy a home about 15 min away from my home and it is in the same town that my husband, son and my self work in so we wont be to far away from them. My daughter has said that when my parents get there home that she will stay with them to help while I work and that sounds like a good idea to me. That way they will not be home alone and I will be in there home at least 2 times a day that way. My daughter in actually 29 yrs old but mentally she is around 12-14 yrs so she can help with my parents. She already helps grandma with finding her way around town and things. She watches over them while we are at work and that helps alot. One of my sisters is an law clerk and she is helping me deal with there finances and one brother and another sister help with ideas and offer suggestions and that helps. I finally got my parents a drs. appointment next week with my family dr. He is a speciealist and hopefully he can help with both of my parents as far as different drs and speciealists that can help. I hope that he can give us suggestions on how to help deal with mom and give us an actual diagnosis. I really appreciate all the helpful advise and just someone to listen to me it helps so much. Today my mom said she was out walking but she couldnt remember her way back in the house. Thank God our land is all fenced in and she couldnt get to far. We have 35 acres and she couldnt get out of the yard in the back and the dogs were watching her around the front. I am home tomorrow and my husband is home wednesday and my son is home on thursday and I am home again on Friday and sunday so it will just be them home alone on Saturday and it is supposed to be cold then so mom wont go out alone then. I am just worried about the future of my mom and dad. Daddy worries about mom a lot and its not good for him and then I worry about him and he worries about me and its just a bad circle. I know it wont get better but I have to look to the good memories and the good things that I have every day

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I am new to this site as I see are many others. I am waiting to have my dad given a full evaluation if he does in fact have Alzheimers. He does tend to forget many short term memory items, his long term is clear and very easy for him to recall. Even in just having day to day conversations he has a hard time recalling words to describe certain things and I can see it frustrates him. Its been hard to try to approach him on the subject as for 20 years he worked as social worker and dealt with the elderly and many of which were alzheimers patients. At times when he recalls the past he will break down and become upset. For the most part he has good days and things are okay, but I know that this is just the beginning of us discovering how far along his condition is.

Thanks for the support

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Sharing the work is a very good way to get a break. Having family who can help nearby makes a big difference.

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When I was the one responsible for Doctor appointments, and there were many - I worked with the doctor office scheduling so that I got a 1st appointment in the AM, or after I got off work. I wasn't easy but I gave mom a call when I left the house then we "went to breakfast". Mom loved to go out and eat. It meant getting up most days 5:00AM, but it worked for us. 1st thing in the morning also helped cuz it was before the big "back-up" at the doctors office by afternoon. Whatever works best for you, schedule planned "help" from family members. As AD progresses, an - already set help schedule - is best and less stressful for them, any change in routine gets our loved ones anxious. I wish you the best, so glad you do have family near. This can bring everyone together and stronger or tear families apart. This site helps us all know at each stage what we are going through and give a lot of good advise. It can be a long journey and it will take you to your limit in patience, I hope they find out more about AD for our children and grand-children's sake. Mom signed for her body to be used for research to help her grandchildren, a University studying and developing early diagnosis and cure. It will take more people deciding on this and I hope some consider it and if even 1 person does after reading this, it will help our future generations. We do get her ashes back after 18 months and we will lay her to rest with our dad.

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diagnosis diagnosis diagnosis. Get that first thing.... she may have cardio blockage or something else but make sure its dementia... she does not sound like alzheimers yet.... and maybe go ahead and find them an assisted Living facility to move into that does all stages of care so they do not have to move again... that is one of the worst thing for a dementia patient.... the new and confusion are way too much for their brain.. so I hope you will do that.. then you will not worry when they are in their new place... my husband showed signs for about a year... we eliminated all the other things then got accepted in the local Medical University for the real diagnosis... and they did the proper tests and scan and yes it was.. Alzheimers.... but now we know for sure and can deal with it the real way it needs to be... and I have these sites to go on to learn and have a place to vent.. Blessings to you and your family.. you need to make sure you take care of yourself as most caregivers get sick and have problems as stress is a killer... Hugs

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