He Has Forgotten me.. now what... ???

• By Rubylee
• Reply 3436230
• October 6, 2012 at 11:49 am
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I'm so sorry Pontotocgirl I know that has to be devastating. I pray that mom will remember me until she leaves this earth, but with the disease I know very likely she won't. I spoke with her yesterday and there was not her usual hey sugar and sounded "out of it" trying to think who I was. Hopefully just a bad day. I understand each day the memory can be different so I hope tomorrow he will recall you. My mom is in a ALF, I know it is so difficult for you to see this decline daily. My mom had the staff call me last week and she actually asked me about a man I dated at 21? I have been married to my husband for 34 yrs. and she adores him. He was just their last week to see her? I will say a special prayer for you today to give you strength to deal with this emotionally and physically, I will be able to recall your name for prayer as I have a good friend from Pontotoc MS. Take care of yourself.

• By cmn1 (Inactive)
• Reply 3436459
• October 6, 2012 at 1:15 pm
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Hi, Pontotocgirl --

I am so sorry; I know how hard this is. My husband has forgotten me, too. He thinks I'm his aunt (one of his mother's sisters) and always introduces me (repeatedly to the same people -- people we've known for some time) that way. In addition to the emotional loss of no longer "being his wife", there are the practical issues to deal with.

This past week, I've taken him to three different doctors and twice to the dentist. He gets terribly upset because I'm driving him everywhere and he's not paying. I have to make up stories about how he paid for the last tank of gas, gave me money for gas, etc. Initially I tried to explain that our finances are as they have always been -- in joint accounts because we're married. That made no impression on him whatsoever. He asks constantly whether insurance is paying for his ALF. I stretch the truth and tell him "yes" although it doesn't pay the entire cost. He'd be a real mess if he thought our common income is paying for a part. He also is concerned because I'm retired and he thinks I don't have any income. I finally told him yesterday that we simply were not going to talk any more about money.

This is the hardest phase we've had yet. This is calling for creativity which I simply don't have. Any ideas from anyone are more than welcome.

• By pontotocgirl
• Reply 3436529
• October 6, 2012 at 1:52 pm
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thank you both and CMN1... I know it will get worse... but was my first time dealing with it. He thinks I m a girlfriend and he is still married to the wife before me and this is her house... so wild I never thougth this would become part of or lives.. going to see Drs this week and hopefully they can help with drugs or a plan.. thanks to you all... I do not know what I would do without this place... Hugs

• By cmn1 (Inactive)
• Reply 3436554 · In reply to 3436529 by pontotocgirl
• October 6, 2012 at 2:11 pm
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Please, please keep us up to date on what the doctors have to offer.

• By Rubylee
• Reply 3437621
• October 6, 2012 at 11:35 pm
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A relationship with a mother is totally different than that of a spouse,when It comes to a spouse not knowing who you are. I know I can in no way relate to the loss you are experiencing....praying for both of you tonight.

• By Csel
• Reply 3438458
• October 7, 2012 at 11:29 am
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This is horrible. I recently had the same thing happen. He also thinks I am his girlfriend. I cried an cried. It hasn't happened again and that was a month ago. I heard him asking my son "who is that woman in the kitchen"? It was me. He asked me if our son's birth mother is still around. I am his birth mother. I think he is confused because he was married before although we have been together for 30 years. It seems that if I am home all day he is not as confused. I was out one day for awhile and he called and invited me over said that he was at his mother's house and everyone was out. I can't describe the feeling that I get in my heart when he doesn't know me. This is a very hard road that we are traveling.

• By cmn1 (Inactive)
• Reply 3438523 · In reply to 3438458 by Csel
• October 7, 2012 at 11:52 am
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Oh, my! To be thought of as a girlfriend seems very hard. At least I'm just an aunt; I think he must have liked her because he seems to like me. My biggest challenge (other than the money stuff) is knowing how to converse with him. Both of his mother's sisters had passed before I met him and I don't know which sister he thinks I am, so sometimes my responses to his questions don't seem to make sense to him. He looks at me kind of quizzically, like "Now, that didn't sound right at all". Our life together seems to have moved entirely into the realm of fantasy.

But, to be the girlfriend . . . oh my! I'm praying for wisdom and comfort for you both.

• By SheriMarie
• Reply 3447766
• October 10, 2012 at 4:39 pm
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How long had it been with his memory change since his diagnosis?

• By pontotocgirl
• Reply 3448044
• October 10, 2012 at 6:32 pm
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my husband was diagonosed in early 2010... but was in really early stage.. now in late 2012 he is forgetting everything.. no short term memory at all... we head to the head of our Medical College's neurology dept tomorrow to see what I can do about long term care.. we have it but they are fighting us every step of the way for help.... ugh

• By SheriMarie
• Reply 3448565
• October 10, 2012 at 9:47 pm
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My husband was diagnosed with dementia in 2010 and has been dealing with epilepsy since the age of 16. They kept thinking his memory and other issues were due to epilepsy, however, after several nerurological tests, seizure medication changes the symptoms did not change. They performed a lumbar puncture and the results were positive for Alzheimers, that was just this past April. Since April we began alzheimers medication which seems to keep him happy but his short term memory is slowing slipping away. He doesn't want to be around anyone. I feel like we are waiting for a bomb to go off.
I hope you have support, someone to talk to and cry with. I pray for everyone dealing with this awful disease. Keep us posted and let me know how you are.

• By Southernmagnolia (Inactive)
• Reply 3449635
• October 11, 2012 at 10:05 am
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My mom has forgotten me too. At first it was the hardest to deal with. She would ask who I was and where I live. Now she just sits there and does not carry on a conversation unless she is asked a question. I wish she would ask me who I was again, that way I know she could still carry on a conversation and have her personality. Thats what I miss the most, talking and getting her advice, wheather I took it or not, I still miss it. She drove and was a baby sitter till she was 91, once the dementia set in it was rapid. She is now 93 and my siblings and I are trying to take care of her at home but I don't know for how much longer we can do so. Its bad with having a mother with this horrible disease but a husband is another heart ache all together. Please know you and all of you on this board are in my thoughts. Some say its easier to deal with when you have someone to talk to, I am just trying the board out so I hope that is the case. Take care.

• By Rubylee
• Reply 3450203
• October 11, 2012 at 1:00 pm
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Yes southerngirl the heartache for a husband has to be a totally different dynamic. I too dread the day my mom doesn't remember me.
I called the other day and I could tell she is slipping farther away. Her short term memory is fading fast. I'm out if town a few weeks so I can't wait to get back to see her. I feel if she sees me that may be what keeps her memory vivid of me. I do hope so. As bad as I feel at times when I read what others are going through my situation pales in comparison. Though she is in a great loving ALF I still feel guilty by not caring for her myself.....maybe that will always haunt me even when she has gone to heaven. In my head I knew this would have to happen but in my heart I hurt. I so admire those who care for their loved ones in their home and have siblings or others to help them. While reading other's challenges it can be enlightening and hopefully we can all offer encouragement to one another. When I feel I'm alone in this journey, I log in and can always find someone to lift up in prayer. Take care of yourself. Praying for you. (Hugs)

• By Sewsinsue
• Reply 3450573
• October 11, 2012 at 3:20 pm
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I am having such a difficult time myself. He is always yelling at me to get this to get that and he hardly walks anymore. He used to be very mean to me and I stayed with him for my son. This is my first time talking to anyone so I might be all over the place. He is 87 and I am 67. He keeps wanting me to talk him places but I have to watch every move he makes and because he has macular degeneration also. He had colon cancer so he makes messes a lot when we go out. So it is harder for me to take care of him outside our own surroundings. He keeps wanting to take trips and we just got back from going back east, OHIO, NC for two months in March through May. He just keep talking about things like that over and over. Sorry, I am just going overboard.

Thank you for being here. We all need support from each other.

• By Sewsinsue
• Reply 3450583
• October 11, 2012 at 3:22 pm
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I forgot to say he has Pick's disease, Frontal/temporal lope dementia

• By SheriMarie
• Reply 3450639
• October 11, 2012 at 3:38 pm
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I am just beginning collecting things to make a scrapbook of our family for him for his memory later. Not sure if it will work, but if he makes it with me that mey help. He said he would, we'll see. I have our wedding pictures, kids growing up and now they are married, so photos of these most recent weekends with our children and grandchildren. We are in our young 50's. I just want to do everything I can as much as I cry for our future.

• By cmn1 (Inactive)
• Reply 3450935 · In reply to 3450639 by SheriMarie
• October 11, 2012 at 5:42 pm
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SheriMarie -- Your post reminded me of something I did when my husband began forgetting our (his and my) children. None of them live within a thousand miles of us, so we don't see them very often. I asked each family to take a casual family picture (for example, my daughter, her husband and children together). I had the photos enlarged to 8 x 10, framed them and put, on the glass, first name labels of each person. That way, when I talked about, say, my daughter and her family, he could identify the right kids. Although we repeated the drill each time we talked about someone, somehow that seemed to help. He's passed that point now, but it did make a difference for a while.

Also, I think a scrapbook is a grand idea. My husband particularly likes the album of his mother and himself when he was a child.

• By Southernmagnolia (Inactive)
• Reply 3451129 · In reply to 3450573 by Sewsinsue
• October 11, 2012 at 7:06 pm
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My heart goes out to you sherimarie, it's difficult enough when they were good to you but when they are plain mean its just bad. My mom would be mean to the home health aides when she first started needing help at home. We went through several until we told her point blank if she was not nice to the care givers she would have no choice but to go to a nursing home. That threat and we got her prescribed anti depression medicine has made life better. I saw her hugging a care giver just last week!