Does she or doesn't she

• By Rubylee
• Reply 3461421
• October 15, 2012 at 9:21 pm
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I would immediately go and visit her unannounced to determine her health status for myself. Not only to address the possibility of AD but also any evidence of physical or emotional abuse would be a big concern. I would tell her of your concerns and ask to go with her to her doctor. I don't know the procedure for obtaining reports from Social Services but I would have that for the doctor as well. Some doctors will not make an AD diagnosis so you may have to insist on further diagnostic testing. Then of course upon diagnosis if this man's integrity is questionable you would need to address the issue of Power of Attorney in order to protect her as well as her assets. Unfortunately this is also a costly disease when seeking future institutional care. My siblings who live close to my mom couldn't see the signs, I was riding in the car and immediately knew something was wrong. Do not let this go without seeking medical assistance. Maybe I'm over caucious, but I would rather err on the side of safety. You know in your heart things are not normal; so follow your heart and instincts and seek guidance. Bless you for being a devoted son, just take action.

• By justjason1
• Reply 3461740 · In reply to 3461421 by Rubylee
• October 15, 2012 at 11:25 pm
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Thank you for the reply, unfortunately that was the first thing that I attempted. Her husband, who will not let her talk any more unless he is with her, blocked me from doing anything and is now stopping me and my siblings from seeing her. We can talk to her on the phone but everything is now monitored by him.. Social services keeps cases sealed.

• By CB2012 (Inactive)
• Reply 3462071
• October 16, 2012 at 5:57 am
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What a hot mess. Look at what it says online about elder abuse. If you think that any of those situations are the case, you can file a report and can get help.

Are you or any siblings listed on any medical paperwork that you can access her medical records? You could be listed for some doctors prior to your mom getting remarried. Is the husband power of attorney, health power of attorney, etc?

Also the thing about Alzheimer's is that many other factors have to be ruled our prior to that diagnosis. Vitamin deficits, medication interactions, and depression and anxiety, etc. can also look like AD. So who knows what you are really dealing with unless you see the medical records.

If nothing else works, I would consult a lawyer and see where to go from there.

Keep us posted.

• By MAW12
• Reply 3463439
• October 16, 2012 at 2:48 pm
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First I would like to say that I commend you for being so active in your Mother's life. Not many son's are that way. She is very lucky to have you in her corner.

In order for you to be able to talk to any of her doctors, you will have to sign a "Hippa Form" that gives you the right to talk a medical physician about your Mothers care. Without that they are not able to talk to anyone. New law that went into effect several years ago. I would do as CB2012 stated, to check out to see if form was signed before she got married by your or one of your siblings.

If this form was signed, then I would call her doctor and see what his/her last evaluation of Mom was. If not done this year then I would explain the problems you are experience with Mom and ask if he can evaluated her for AD, or should you take her to a neurologist, ask for referral to someone he thinks highly of.

Next, I would make sure that someone in her family has Power of Attorney over her assets. Does Mom have a will or living will?? If not this should also be done. I would also make sure that Mom is not being abused by her husband. I would not care what he says about coming over unexpected and just do it. Also you may want to call the condo that they are living in to see if they can tell you in fact they called Social Services on her for being lost in the complex. They should be able to tell you that.

It is just my opinion that the new husband is looking for a free ride on your Mom's money, otherwise he would be more concerned about her health. It was suggested to me when I got on this site to get the book called "The 36 Hour Day", I suggest you get it and read it to see if some of your questions can be answered. Please keep us informed as to how Mom is doing and what needs to be done. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

• By justjason1
• Reply 3464325
• October 16, 2012 at 8:50 pm
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I woke with a new take charge attitude, I decided to call my Mother and just ask. When I called my step father answered, I had him put my Mother on the other phone, I asked them both, does my Mom have AD. My step Father answered," yes Jay she does", They have been hiding it for a long time, He told me when they found out, everything of my Mothers was put in a trust with me as trustee. My Mother finally spoke at this time and confirmed Yes, I made sure to take care of everything, so no one else can get to stuff but you. During the conversation, I was also told by my step father that there has been times that he has had to hold my mother down to control her so she wouldn't hurt herself and this sparked the call to social services. After the conversation ended, I shed some tears, Talked to a couple friends and then took the advice of one and called social services, I got to talk to the social worker that was assigned to my Moms case. She told me that although she was told by both my Mother and step father that my Mom did not have AD or Dementia of any kind, she also said she can't make someone give there medical info and she saw no signs of abuse and closed the case. I also did a property search on my Mothers house, Indeed 3 years ago it was put into a trust named after my mother. There was no way to find out the trustee for fact but due to the time frame, I would say things look on the right for now. Thank you all for your help
Jay

• By CB2012 (Inactive)
• Reply 3464527
• October 16, 2012 at 10:27 pm
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Glad you got some answers. You just proved my new life mantra....life is too short to just sit by the sidelines when it comes to our loved ones. Best wishes to you and your family.

• By MAW12
• Reply 3465005
• October 17, 2012 at 7:01 am
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Jay,

I am so glad that you took charge. What a great son your Mother has raised. Please make sure your Mother get's all the help she needs. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Mary Ann

• By Rubylee
• Reply 3470027
• October 18, 2012 at 8:27 pm
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Glad you took action and you now know of her health condition. I do hope financially everything is in order for her future care and her husband is being truthful. Wish the best and just cherish the moments you have with your mom.