Adopting after Ovarian Cancer

• By Lacey
• Posted October 31, 2007 at 6:03 pm

Hi Michelle,

Try googling for an organization called "Fertile Hope" . I believe they are mainly about supporting cancer survivors' efforts to have bio kids, but also probably wotk with adoptions. I haven't worked with them but a friend has. Good luck and don't lose hope

Lacey

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• By MichelleT
• Posted October 31, 2007 at 10:50 pm

Hi Lacey-
Thanks so much for your note. Prior to making a decision on my course of treatment, and attempting to preserve my fertility, I actually did visit "Fertile Hope."

I didn't think about taking a look for information on adoption - but that's a great idea.

Best of luck.
Michelle

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• By SuziQ
• Posted November 1, 2007 at 11:39 am

I am 25 and was diagnosed with stage 3C Ovarian cancer 2 1/2 years ago. I had only been married for just over a year when I had a hysterectomy. My husband and I are currently going through the adoptionn process. It is a lot of paper work that's for sure. I have heard it perferred to as a "paper Pregnancy." Which is fairly acurate in our case. We will be completely done with the paper work next week but we started the whole process back in March.

I know some adoption agency are kinda weird about having an adoptive parent wih cacer so be sure to be very upfront and honest about it. I had to get a permission note from my Gyn/Onc. to say that he thought I was healthy enough to live for a decent amount of time to be a parent to this child.

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• By MichelleT
• Posted November 2, 2007 at 1:09 pm

I've heard the paperwork is overwhelming. We've been doing research, speaking to others that have adopted, and are now starting to narrow down which agencies/lawyers to meet with. How did you select your final approach?

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• By SuziQ
• Posted November 2, 2007 at 8:34 pm

Well, I can't be much help on how to decide which agency. We are going through our church. Our next baby we'll have to search out an anengy since we are wanting to go international.

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• By Artemis
• Posted November 4, 2007 at 12:30 pm

I would never consider adopting a child after having cancer. Many biological mothers are placed under pressure to give up their babies for adoption. I would say that you should think twice about this matter.

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• By SuziQ
• Posted November 5, 2007 at 2:19 pm

Artemis,
I was just wondering what your experiance was with adoption to make you so bitter towards it.

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• By Artemis
• Posted November 5, 2007 at 5:09 pm

I am not so sure "bitter" is the word to describe me. I would say skeptical. First of all, I think a woman who has cancer will need to tend to herself and not bring stresses into her life. Also, it seems unfair to get a child who may have to deal with a death, etc., and another loss. I have known many adopted people and many women who lost their children to adoption, and I iknow the grief that they both experience. I think people who want to adopt drive the market, and it is a multi-billion dollar industry. There is a lot of abuse going on, and people do not realize it. Adoption is something that most people believe is philanthropic when it is not.

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• By suemac
• Posted April 22, 2008 at 9:35 am

Dear Michelle & Suzy Q,

I am speechless after reading the last two entries about adoption, but I would have to say SuzyQ was right on the money and that we are all a reflection of our experiences, both good and bad

Number one, I loved that Suzy Q's GYN/ONC wrote the letter that even at stage IIIC, she could expect to have many good parenting years. In my support group there are much older women, who were that stage and surviving 14 years and going stronger than when they were young. There are women who survive for multiple decades.

At 25, I had two severe cases of Pelvic Inflammatory Disease from an IUD, which blocked both my tubes and encased my uterus in scar tissue. My husband also had fertility issues. Despite a medical community that felt we would never be successful, after seven years of treatment including surgeries and fertility meds, we had the miracle of 4 children in the following seven years, including an unplanned pregnancy!

Even though both my breast and ovarian cancer diagnosis later in life could have resulted from those meds, I do not regret it and would do it again in a heartbeat. Seeing the world through a child's eyes is both renewing and life affirming.

We had been on adoptions lists for all of those seven years and a baby was available to us, after I was already pregnant. I had always worried that in adopting, I would feel like I was raising someone else's child.

What I found out, after holding my first baby, is that it doesn't matter where they come from, the fact that they're totally dependant on you for survival is the thread that binds you.

I have friends and relatives who have had both good and bad experiences with adoption. If you go international, be very careful about the conditions the child was exposed to and countries where alchohol is prevalent, such as Russia.

A friend of my neice and nephew, volunteered to be a surrogate mother for them, they used a donated egg from another source and my nephew's sperm and have a wonderful daughter, Faith. If finances are not a huge issue, that is another option to consider.

That said, chosing to work with children can fulfill many of those needs, as well.

Good Luck and Blessings to both of you,

Sue

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• By MichelleT
• Posted April 22, 2008 at 10:13 am

Sue-
Thanks so much for your words of support. It's great to hear some success stories and words of encouragement. I'll keep everyone posted on our adoption journey.
Michelle

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• By ThePhoenix
• Posted April 22, 2008 at 10:38 am

First of all, to Artemis, You know what opinions are like, a*sholes and everybodys got one. I cannot believe the rudeness and total lack of empathy/sympathy in your responses. First of all, infertility is one hell of a rollercoaster to ride, no matter how long you've been on it. Second of all, to go through that and on top of it all to have a cancer diagnosis that rips out any hope of a biological child is a gazillion times worse. I was fortunate that through all of my infertility I was given the blessing of having a son. But that was a difficult time because of worries and concerns etc. and a previous stillbirth. When I was diagnosed with stage IIIc OC, it ended my trying to conceive journey. Just because a women has a diagnosis of cancer and has made it through said treatments and is now for all intents and purposes, "healthy", does not diminish their ability to be parents. We have a lot of love to give. How dare you say to ANY woman, that she should not consider adoption due to her diagnosis. Cancer is NOT a death sentence. Its just a bump in the road. The time we are born, we are dying. It's just a matter of when. The time we have, is to live and love. I am so gosh darned angered by your response that I want to jump through my screen and slap you. I will stop now. To Michelle and all other cancer SURVIVORS, if you want children and have an open heart and loving home, ADOPT. I wish you much luck, health, happiness and love.

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• By deeanlan
• Posted April 25, 2008 at 8:05 am

hello
I was diag. at 28 stage IIIC. I dont know what was worse cancer or not having anymore children (i was blessed with one). I gave cancer power in my life and I never should have. I put off adoption and many other things in my life for the "what if" I have had reoccurrance's but its been 14 yrs, i have been blessed. I would have given a child a wonderful loving home and my son a sibling. I have friends who have adopted and there love for there children is as real as mine is. Cancer is not a death sentence. Along life you will meet many negative people I have learned to keep these people at arms length and keep myself surrounded by positive people. Dont give the "C" power over decisions in your life. Good Luck and God Bless

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• By MarieBatt
• Posted May 12, 2008 at 7:49 pm

Michelle T.

If you are still checking this message board, if you would be so kind as to email me directly at Tmarie0578@aol.com

When I read your story it was like I was reading my own. I am still pretty fresh from my diagnosis and treatment (it's been 7 months) and I 'd just like to hear from someone like me. I just celebrated my 30th birthday and my husband and I have been married 2 & 1/2 years. I thankfully did not have to suffer through chemo, but I had surgery to remove both ovaries and my uterus.

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• By nimawey
• Posted July 23, 2008 at 2:51 pm

I just wanted to mention to you that I think it is wonderful that you are wanting to adopt, both local and international.

I was adopted from South Korea when I was 2 years old. Through the grace of God, my brother in Korea found me a couple years ago. I don't know all the circumstances that made our experiences different, but my brother and sister grew up in the orphanage while I grew up in with a family. I do know, though, that it wasn't my parents' desire to not have us kids around, but they were physically and financially unable to take care of us. My Korean family and I have always missed each other, but we are also happy with our lives.

My husband and I had been unsuccessfully trying to have another child for a while. In May of this year, we found out the reason was my ovarian cancer. It was tough to face the reality that we would not be able to have any more children, and sometimes it still reduces me to tears. But, I'm looking forward to adopting a child once my treatments are over and life settles back to normal around here. What a joy to be able to provide love and nuturing to another child!

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• By MarthaMcQ
• Posted July 24, 2008 at 7:11 am

I am not a prospective adoptive parent. I'm 58 years old and the mother of 2 adult children, but reading these posts this morning has given me goose bumps! Thank you so much for the love that you are sharing with children who need it and with each other. You are all making the world a better place.

Martha

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• By VictoryLight
• Posted July 26, 2008 at 4:59 pm

I'm 36 and a one year survivor of late stage ovarian cancer. Nimawey, I'm so encouraged to hear a POSITIVE story about adoption - thank you for sharing. My husband and I have been thinking about international adoption. In my similar situation to some of you considering adoption, I sometimes feel that I'm too "old" and should just find other things to do in life. Can anyone tell me if they feel the same way?

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• By micmar
• Posted September 13, 2008 at 10:30 pm

Hi Michelle,
I was just searching online for some support for cancer survivors looking to adopt. I am an ovarian cancer survivor of 13 years and I just recently became aware how difficult this can make adoption. I had assumed that after 5 years in remission it wouldn't be a problem. I am now 36 and my husband and I are planning to start the adoption process soon. But it seems that discrimination exists internationally and domestically against cancer survivors trying to adopt. We just realized this last night when an agency told us that China will not approve anyone with a history of cancer regardless of length of time since initial diagnosis, no recurrence etc. We found out tonight that Russia has the same stance. I am quite upset. I was wondering how you have gotten on with you search for an agency / country to adopt from. I suppose I am looking for some positive news and hope! Have you had any success with any adoption agencies? Best wishes, micmar

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