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rehab

pantinker
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my husband was in rehab for 7 day for alcoholism. He wrote a prayer calling the inmates angels. I have a problem with that. Is this normal for people in rehab?

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25 replies

Peter

What, exactly, are you wondering at? Nothing you describe sounds particularly "abnormal" to me. Not quite clear on what you're having a problem with...

Then again, I might not be the best person to decide what "normal" is. :-)

Adele01

hi pantinker,
my father was in a 28-day rehab program and he did the same thing. he made friends with with everyone and talked about them all the time. there was something about it that just didnt sit well with me but i guess they "bonded". anyway im not sure its normal either but its nice to know it wasnt just my dad and im not the only one that didnt like it. good luck with your husband.

pantinker

Angels do not hurt people. They do not destroy lives or abuse people. These people are broken, yes. Angels, no. There's no guarantee that they will not go back to old ways and hurt more people. That's what I have a problem with.

Peter

Ah, I see. That makes sense to me. In case it helps, here's my take on this:

First of all I'd amplify your remark -- "There's no guarantee that they will not go back to old ways" -- I'd actually put it that most of them WILL go back to old ways. Addiction is like that.

Without reading the prayer in question, I can only guess about all of that, and in any case I don't know much about angels. Isn't Lucifer an angel? Is it possible to consider the individual separately from their disease? Is your husband any sort of angel? Might an addict be a (struggling) angel, with a terrible burden.

I wonder if this prayer isn't a good opportunity to open a discussion about what it means, and how your husband sees his relationship to his "inmates" and his disease.

This also thread suggests to me that you have suffered considerably in the face of your husband's disease. If this is the case, be sure to get some help for yourself. One possible avenue for you is Al-Anon, you might look them up. At the very least, arm yourself with knowledge about how to best promote your family's health, going forward. Be sure to talk to the people working your husband's case, and find out how to take care of yourself. One surprising facet of addiction is how much damage it does to the people *surrounding* the actual addict.

I hope this helps.

Pete.

pantinker

Thanks for your reply. Lucifer was kicked out of heaven. So.....Yes I have suffereed and still suffering. I am a newcomer to Al Anon. My first meeting was Tues. night. My supervisor also suggested therapy that our company pays for. He says I need to take car of myself. Some more of the prayer read they have opened my heart to a love I've never known before. Through all the mental abuse I've been thru, I found that hard to swallow. But I am trying so hard to understand and to remove myself to that I can start healing with the help of the angels at Al Anon.

Peter

pantinker --

I'm glad to hear you're getting help for yourself. That is one of the surest things you can do to make things better.

As for "they have opened my heart to a love I've never known before" -- that can mean a great many different things. Again, I encourage you to use this verse as an opportunity to have a conversation with your husband about the nature of this love, and what it means.

A clinical recovery environment can be very confusing, due to the changes everyone is going through. Such programs tend to be very information dense, and they generally try to to emphasize nonjudgmental approaches. A supportive environment where people don't seek to judge one might well be an eye-opening experience for someone who has spent a lot of time with the baggage of addiction.

Again, I don't know any of this as a certainty, I'm just hoping to provide possibly useful angles for your consideration.

Best wishes,

Pete.

pantinker

Again I appreciate your insight. I tried talking to him. You have to understand all through our mariied life everything has been my fault. And still is now. So it did no good to try to talk to him. It was just a devastating blow to me. Hopefully thru AA and Al Anon it'll help. It's still to early in the disease for both of us. I'm just trying to understand alcoholism and alcoholics and trying to get thru my pain and anger.

Peter

Best of luck to you. Recovering from this nasty disease is a very long road, for the addicts, and for those around them. Hang in there, and take care of yourself!

pantinker

Thank you so much for your help. You made me do alot of thinking last about my husband calling them angels. I think I might understand now. Thanks so much.

loonym

Inmates??? BWAHAHAHA

What sort of rehab was this?

Peter

From http://www.thefreedictionary.com/inmate :

in·mate n. -- A resident of a dwelling that houses a number of occupants, especially a person confined to an institution, such as a prison or hospital.

"Inmate" a perfectly reasonable word to describe individuals in a treatment program. The word connotes, but does not specify a non-voluntary status. And yes, many treatment facilities do in fact provide court-ordered services, certainly the ones around here all do.

So, what's your point? Are you laughing at pantinker out of malice, or ignorance?

loonym

I've been through several rehabs and I never once considered myself an "inmate". I've also been an actual inmate on several occasions. There is a very big distinction between the two.

My post wasn't laughing at anyone, it was laughing at the use of that particular term while discussing people seeking treatment for a very serious disease. I honestly thought that in the twenty first century people had discarded the notion that alcoholics are bad people trying to get good and accepted the fact the we are sick people trying to get well. If anyone was offended, including you Peter, they have my sincerest apology.

Peter

Thank you for clarifying that. I in turn apologize if I was a bit ... strong... In my reaction to your reply. My main goal is to keep these discussions positive, and supportive. Anyone posting here is probably in some kind of pain, and I don't want to see anyone take a risk in sharing only to get shot down.

In this particular post, I suspect that a major essence is, in fact, that not everyone is yet on board with the understanding that the disease and the person are two distinct things.

Maybe we'll get there after the twenty first century has simmered a bit longer...

Peace,

Pete.

pantinker

So, let me clarify something. The families of the alcoholics are a part of the disease of alcoholism. We've experienced thru our love for the alcoholic. It doesn't just affect you. What difference does it matter using the term inmate. The dictinary describes it as Peter does. We're not here to argue the point on words. The word isn't important. What does matter and what is important is that we're here to help one another as alcoholics or the families of the alcoholic thru Al Anon, understanding the alcoholic and alcoholism thru research and people who have been there.

pantinker

Loonym, one more thing. This is the 21st century. But can you deny that you hurt and nearly destroyed your loved ones before you got help. That's what I meant when I said angels no. Broken and needing our help, support and understanding of the disease, yes. So, yes this the the 21st century but where are you? Going to Al Anon I realized that I contributed thru my ignorance to my husbands drinking. I didn't cause it. I'm not responsible for it. But in trying to help him, I didn't. Alcholism is a family disease. I'm trying very hard to understand and with comments like you make, you make hard for the ones trying to understand about alcoholics and alcoholism. I do hope you the best in life and continued sobriety.

loonym

Once again pantinker, you have my sincerest apology if I've offended you in any way.

Jon (a grateful recovering alcoholic and former inmate of several penal institutions and former patient of several substance abuse treatment facilities)

pantinker

I accept your apology. Whether you're in prison or rehab, explain to me why you had a problem with inmate. I don't care if you were in prison. I'm proud of you for being a recovering alcoholic. That takes a lot of courage taking the first step in admitting your an alcoholic. I applaud all you recovering alcoholics. I'm a newcomer to alcoholics and Al Anon. So, I'm working my way thru pain and anger and I'm now understanding the disease. My husband is a very courageous man in taking that first step two weeks ago. I wish you the best.

loonym

The first step was actually quite simple for me. I, and everyone who had contact with me, knew for many years that I was an alcoholic. The hard part came when I finally decided to do something about it and take the rest of the steps.

pantinker

Last night, I went with my husband to his IOP. Intensive Outpatient (therapy) for twelve weeks for 5 nights last 3 hrs. Mon, Sat are family night. I listened to eleven recovering alcoholics and the emotion was so high for everyone. I realize they are struggling for a better life and will have to struggle for the rest of their life not to fall back into the poison. I learned so much from them and I think they learned a tiny bit from me. I just wanted to help each and everyone. I know that's impossible but that's me. They have such courage including my husband. Each day i understand more. I will be praying for you also.

NWtransplant

Pantinker, I admire your willingness to find out more about alcoholism, support your husband, and, most of all, to take care of yourself. You are very courageous.

I am a recovering alcoholic with 3 years sobriety. Prior to the acceleration of my drinking I was in AL-Anon, Adult Children of Alcoholics and in an abusive relationship that was not related to alcoholism in either of us. I have been in counseling as well and highly recommend it. All that to say that I have some knowledge of the things you are dealing with.

People are always saying that caregivers have to take care of themselves before they can help others. My experience is that I have to make my addiction a priority in whichever of these situations I was dealing with. Now it's my alcoholism and it will be the rest of my life; if I start drinking, I know things will go downhill quickly. I encourage you to remember to take care of yourself and your healing BEFORE you try to help others. I think you'll find the rewards worth the effort.

Anna

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