I've been married for 8 years and I knew my husband drank when we got married but I really new nothing about this disease. He went to work everyday and was very supportive of me. The 3 years ago he started having "panic attacks" and went to the doctor. The doctor prescribed Xanax. About 2 years ago he was taking 6mg xanax and 2 cases of beer. He started going out and spending all of our money on beer, cheating on me and trully put me through hell. I moved back in with my parents. Long story short I took him back we rented a place, was evicted, rented another place, evicted. Finally I begged my parents to let us stay with them. I have 2 children from a previous marriage and he has 2 children from a previous marriage. He lost his children, his parents won't help at all and never tried to help him. He got help again 3 weeks ago and last week I caught him drinking. He can't work because he hurt his knee and of course our vehicles are broke down and we have no money to fix them. On top of all of this today he got caught stealing beer and is now in jail. The bail is $50. They took him to the hospital because he had a seizure. They are going to put him in a regional jail after that. He is begging me to find the money to bail him out. He truly is a good man if it wasn't for the alcohol and xanax and I feel like a horrible wife for not being able to help him. No one else is going to help him, I am all he has. What am I supposed to do. I am so tired, I have never been more tired in my life. I have lost everything over this disease. I do love him very much and pray everyday for him. I want a good life, my children and I deserve it and I feel that if I stay with him all we'll ever know is pain. Does anyone have any good advice for me.
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Please help
- By amanda12
- Posted April 24, 2009 at 9:10 pm · 5 replies
- In Family and friends of alcoholics
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- By deebelle
- Posted April 25, 2009 at 7:43 am
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My sugestion is for you to pull up AL-ANON on the web. It is a group started long ago for families and friends of alcoholics. It is based exactly on the same steps of Alcoholic Anonymous. On the site you can go to your state and find meetings in your city.
There are also on-line meetings thru yahoo groups that you can join that run exactly like a AL-ANON meeting. My favorite yahoo group is "Courage to change". You might even be able to pull it up by the title
The best bet is the face to face meetings where you meet people just like yourself. Then as a supplement you can always join an on-line meeting.
It is very important you take care of yourself. The answers to all your questions will come thru attendance at the meetings and your Higher Power.
Much blessings;
Dee
- By bjwinner
- Posted July 16, 2009 at 11:27 pm
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You my Dear are a very well trained Enabler...Yes enabler..you are what is allowing him to continue with his abuse of alcohol and drugs. You are NOT responsible for him or his actions..but you are allowing him to brain wash you. You are what you and your children have....and you must realize that a GOOD Man does not spend all the money on alcohol and drugs, nor does a GOOD man cheat when TODAY cheating could be placing your partners life at risk to get Hep C or even HIV. If not for your sake at least for the sake of your children take a good deep look at the TRUE situation. Forget getting him out of jail..concentrate on your life with your children. As for his folks they are doing what has to be done TOUGH LOVE.. it hurts them to see their child this way but, they are smart to NOT help him..until he hits bottom and has to pick his self up he will never change..he has to do it and want it..you can not do it for him. Please if you do love him quit helping him to destoy his life, as well as yours, and your childrens. Trust me, I grew up around alcoholism and I had an abusive first marriage, and a mother with 30 years sorbiety. As for the panic attacks..well I've had those too. Panic attacks can be an over active thyroid or just a feeling of loss of control which triggers them...drugs is NOT the answer. The first time you have a panic attack you don't think much of it, but the secondtime you start to wonder, then the third one makes you worry about having another which actually triggers another one...they are cyclic. You worry about one and it triggers an attack, the more you have the more you worry etc. Also hypoglycemia could be at the root of the attacks (low blood sugar). And then again why wouldn't he feel out of control he has an alcohol addiction and now xanax and needs money, is living with your parents...etc. Do not paint the picture the way you wish it to be...look at th picture for what it truly is...a very sad, bad and unhappy life for you and your children...and someone to assist him to get his next drink. May God keep a special Angel watching over you and yours.
- By Tag
- Posted August 24, 2009 at 2:51 am
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As much as it hurts I'm going to agree with Bjwinner in this. Enabling someone to continue their destructive behavior. I sad you love a person and you want to help him get straight but he really doesn't want to but will tell you anything and even seem to change for awhile but don't fall for it it is a mask he is putting on to fool you into continuing to enable him. Also Deebelle has it right Al-ANOn will put you in touch with people like you who have been where your at. These words tht the three of us have said may be harsh but no harsher than the treatment you receive from this loser. Yes Loser. He is in dire need of help but not the kind of help you can give. He has allowed Xanax a more addictive drug than heroin along with booze to take over his life. Until he gets rid of these difficult addictions your life will be more of the same. The only way out for you is to leave him. He won't quit ot get help til he has nothing left to live for and even that may not be enough to save him. Save yourself Amanda, You can't do nothing for those beautiful children until you lose him your man. He is not a truly beautiful man, he is a pitiful excuse for a human being. Yes he can change but you can't change him and trying just makes it worse.
- By PrayWithoutCeasing
- Posted September 24, 2009 at 10:21 pm
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It is called co-dependent relationships..
http://soulselfhelp.on.ca/CodependantP.html
Researching about it woke me up to realize that I was enabling others. My behavior was just as bad as theirs was.
- By pesky1
- Posted September 25, 2009 at 7:57 am
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I hate to sound repetitive but it's time for your Hubby to sink or swim. I had to tell my oldest Brother to either go to rehab or just go. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do but by helping him stay drunk I was hurting everyone else in the family and how self centered is he to want you and you children to live on the streets and to keep all of you down just so he doesn't have to face reality. Don't feel sad about the dicision you know you have to make get angry that he's forcing you to make it. If you stay with him you will always be held down...you need to look into your heart and ask why do I feel I deserve to be treated like this then ask yourself what am I teaching my children because the more attention you focus on your lush of a husband the less attention you put on them. He has no problem thinking only of himself why should you!
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