Expectations

I goofed again. I had expectations. Al-anon meetings talk of this but I backslided and expected something of the two alcoholic kids.It deeply saddens me that what I believed was not going to happen. I work a sound program, but I am human and my program is my program. I am still capable of making mistakes. Darn it anyways. I have been trying so hard.......

So, it's more meetings and fewer expectations I guess. I truely feel very sad, and upset this day because I so believed just for once my children. One has been doing very well...really both are doing better so given circumstances, I did something I should not have done.....loaned money!!! The big al-anon no-no!!!!!!!!!......It wasn't much, but they both knew that I have a tight budget and need it back(no stocks for me)...just social security...........
I neve loaned money to them for at least five years but the circumstances I thought had changed..NOT!

I cried because I felt stupid, and betrayed, and unloved. They are sick, but I though things just might be different......no....they are not different..maybe improved a little but not really different.

So its al-anon, and reading the mediation books, and forgiving myself, and them(maybe)......its so tough to have two adult children that are alcoholics. I am really tired to the bone................................

Dee