My best friend of 22 years told me this past weekend that she is an alcoholic. She and I both have been drinking since we were 14. She drinks several drinks at one setting, and realized she cannot stop until she passes out. I drink, however I know when too stop. I know I will never be able to drink in front of her again (and that is fine with me) She is my best friend, and I want to stand beside her. I don't want our friendship to be changed in anyway, but I know that won't happen. I am going to an AA meeting with her tomorrow for support and knowledge. We both have wonderful husbands with two beautiful children.
Is it possible to have a friend who is an alcoholic even though I drink? I pray that she can get through this tough time. What can I do to help her? I know the first thing is not too drink in front of her, but what else should I be doing? Any suggestions would be great. Thank you.
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Confussed?
- By Smish
- Posted July 13, 2009 at 4:05 pm · 4 replies
- In Family and friends of alcoholics
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- By Peter
- Posted July 14, 2009 at 7:44 am
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Your support is huge, and probably more important than anything else. Learn about the disease, so you can understand what the recovery process is about. You definitely want to check out Al-Anon, a group that supports friends and families of alcoholics. You may be surprised by how destructive alcoholism is to people around the alcoholic.
Make sure you tell your friend that you want to be there for her, and that you'll need her help to understand how you can be the best possible friend.
As for your drinking around her, that's actually less a rule than a manifestation of the first point; being supportive. Some recovering alcoholics are fine around drinkers and alcohol (at least after the initial stages of recovery), while others prefer to just always avoid alcohol. For myself, I don't mind being around drinking, but I definitely don't like being around drunks! Everyone is different.
Best of luck to you both!
- By essense
- Posted July 14, 2009 at 12:59 pm
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Alcoholism is a disease like any disease, just like diabetes is a disease.And things will change to a point, you both won't go out drinking together but if she had diabetes, she wouldn't be drinking, so think of it that way. And you wouldn't stop drinking if she had diabetes. She is still the same person, but she is going to go through a lot of changes too.That is great you are going to a AA meeting with her, she needs the support. Be a good listener, and try to treat her the same as always. Good luck to you both.
- By Tagmike
- Posted August 25, 2009 at 1:50 am
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hi smish, I quit drinking 13 years ago. my buddies who were mostly drinking buddies laughed when I told them I was going to rehab and I probably wouldn't be hanging with them anymore. If you are a true friend you may find she will need some space even away from you and other loved ones. don't take this personally if it happens. She may have to relearn how to relate to you sober. Essence says it fine and all she said is true, but so is what Peter said about Al-Anon. This may be tough to swallow but you may be enabling her to drink not on purpose of course. Its that's what you guys do now and the previous 22 years doesn't really count any more except you love her and she loves you, but there might be some blame and anger that she has been holding on to. Be prepared for it go to Al-Anon and they can help.
- By Tagmike
- Posted August 25, 2009 at 1:53 am
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Where are you Smish? Over a month since your last post is your friend doing okay? Are you?
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