Gastroparesis is bad, this is worse

Many of you know me as I've been posting here for several months. I've garnered strength and support from this group as well as hopefully helping a few people along the way. There are a few special friendships that have developed and these people know how much they mean to me. I've never attempted social networking before and I have to say the experience has been good. My GP has been worsening and I know that I've shared the fact that I have a fabulous husband and partner who has supported me through it all. He insisted that I have my first tube placed and begged me not to make him watch me die when I resisted. He held me in the night when I was twisted with pain. I was so afraid of how the tube would look which was pretty funny because I weighed 82 pounds and looked like a scarecrow. He didn’t care how it looked; he just wanted me to be with him. I relented and had the tube placed and it has really changed my life.

My husband and partner and the light of my life passed away after surgery complications on October 10. He was having a relatively simple procedure and his heart simply stopped beating. There are no explanations; it was just his time. He was only 53 years old.

Jeff and I were married for 21 really awesome years and I was lucky enough to be cherished for all of those. He loved me so much more than I probably deserved sometimes. Some people wait an entire lifetime and never get to experience a love this deep – I know how lucky I am, but I wanted more. We were fortunate enough to have two beautiful sons one of whom presented us with a daughter-in-law in June. The wedding was really special and I’m so glad Jeff got to be a part of it.

I will survive this, but right now it is just so difficult to imagine how. I’ll continue to manage this hideous condition and I’ll keep putting one foot in front of the other – that was what he wanted me to do and I’ll honor him by doing it.

If I had one piece of advice for my friends, it would be to hold those you love tight each and every day because it can all change in a heartbeat and it can indeed get worse – so much worse than you can imagine.

Thank you so much for being such incredibly strong people. I’ll continue to draw on your strength as I begin to heal.

Lynee