Working in the real world while dealing with a chronic condition...

Hello all! I'm a newbie here, and would like some advice on sharing your personal health concerns with people at work...I've been working at my job for almost 2 years, and absolutely love it there! I love what I do, I love the people, and the atmosphere (for the most part) is so laid back! A very select few people I grew close to know about my health condition, including my supervisor (who I grew close to, as well), but was wondering if it helps that they do know?! I was sick on and off the beginning of this year, and had to miss work for a few weeks at a time, but they were very understanding, and didn't give me a hard time at all when I had to miss work. Just recently, I had surgery, and had to be out for 3 weeks, but was not given a hard time at work. But I have had to step down from FT to PT last week, because I'm going back to school, and can't handle a 40 hr. wrk. week at the same time. I wonder at times if it was the right decision to let these few people at work know about my condition, because I don't want it held against me now, or in the future. I'm a very good, hard worker, and when I'm healthy I can do a darn good job! But of course, when I'm not feeling well, I'm not the same person. I sometimes have to leave early to get IV fluids, and I don't want people to think I'm leaving just to get out of there. I know I shouldn't worry about what others think, but lately it's been hard not to since I've been in and out for the past few months. Just last week I was talking to my co-workers about people going on vacation. One of them is going to the beach for a week, and I told them they are lucky to be able to go on a vacation. She replied, "Whatever, Miss I'm not coming to work for 2 months!" Who is she to say that? Does she think I'm at home laying by the pool with a drink in my hand? Do people think I'm by the beach having a vacation? I may be at home from work, but its definitely NOT a vacation! I'm at home for health reasons, and it just makes me think that people think I'm at home for no reason at all! It's very frustrating, because this is my first "real job" and I feel like I have to prove myself to everyone. How do you all deal with working and having a chronic condition?

By SeussRN1
Posted July 15, 2008 at 9:54 am

It sounds like you are in a great work environment. I on theother hand was not and the harrasment and hostile work environment caused me undue stress which then would increase my GP symptoms. I eventually quit and have considered filing a lawsuit for discrimation - but cant decided if it is worth my effort.

I recently started a new job and had to share the issue with my corporate people. They were all very understand. I am in the process of waiting to hear back about my appeal for the gastric pace maker - keeping my fingers crossed. I started this new job at the beginning of June and told them about this pending surgery. It would have been hard to hide the obvious with the PICC Line in and when we go out to eat, I dont eat anything.

You will always have people who are rude and make inappropriate comments - it is your choice to tell them. Of course my last boss told other staff members that I was crazy and faking the whole thing for attention- and she was a nurse.

It is hard to do, but you can either try to explain the problem to your coworks that make those comments or just ignore them - after all it isnt worth the extra stress and if you know that you are doing a great job - then I wouldn't worry about it.

By the way - I am not sure what you do - but would you be able to work from home on days that you are not doing well?

By chewy1
Posted July 15, 2008 at 10:28 am

sing2u,
Welcome to the group! I think most of us can relate to your dilemna on whether to make your condition known to everyone or just let them think what they want..
I'm not working now, but when I did it was something I had to face too. I also had co-workers who knew the situation and others who only got the "gossip" that went around. I made sure that my Principal and Supt. knew the facts and kept them posted. They were both very supportive and understanding.
I did have one person on staff that went from telling people I was making myself sick and they should just ignore me, then told others all kinds of tales about me having a "secret" life in which I did all kinds of scandalous things. Luckily, for me noone important to me listened to her stories. She had a reputation for spreading lies and the sad thing (she is a school counselor).
I handled the situation with telling people the situation by just telling my closer co-workers and insuring them if the question came up around others that they were welcome to tell them too.
I also had to decide whether to tell the parents of the students in my class. I know that the kids probably told their parents about me running to the restroom several times a day to vomit, or that I had missed yet another day of work. I was teaching 5 &6 year olds, so it did scare them. I explained to them in as simply as I could about my "tummy" problems. I also explained to parents at conferences the situation. Everyone was so nice and caring. Even, now after not having worked in several years I have parents and kids from my classes ask me how I'm doing.
I don't know what your job is and how closely you are involved working with other people, but, the choice is completely yours on whether you want to share information with all of them or just part of them. I took the attitude that the people who mattered knew the stituation. If they had any questions then I would be happy to share.
I hope you are able to make a decision on how to handle it that works for you. You might want to get some information about your condition to leave in the lounge area or whereever people tend to have time to look it over.
Good luck,
Judy

By docandkate
Posted July 15, 2008 at 12:39 pm

All good advice. It sounds like you have been through a lot during your lifetime, and have come a long, long way.

Im thinking now is a good time for you to come up with a game plan. Take a look back at how you have handled things thru your childhood, what worked and what didn't.

Perhaps you will become a spokesperson for GI issues. What expectations do you have for coworkers? Being in a health field, do you expect more of them? It is disappointing when people who should know better end up to be losers.

I found I could not possiblly hide my illness at work. I kept my direct supervisor most informed. If people asked, I'd tell them. Often it was just incomprehensible to them. Often people cared, as long as it didnt affect their production.

You have accomplished a lot so far, just remember that!
Katherine

By sing2u
Posted July 15, 2008 at 4:17 pm

I work as a an HR Training Asst. in the Human Resources Dept., so I deal with many different people everyday. There is a laptop some of my co-workers have taken home to work from, but I haven't asked if I would be able to do that as well. I'm definitely thinking of asking about that soon though.

Thank you all for the advice!

By Whisperingdays
Posted July 15, 2008 at 5:51 pm

Hi Sing,

Welcome! I am so glad that you found us. I haven't had to deal with the problems with working for others in a company or other professional organizations. I have been self emplyed most of my adult life. But I do know that even with the gastroparesis that I have, noone seems to know what it is or how you get it. I think that as much as I have explained to most of my clients what is going on with me and even though they see my Picc line, they constantly ask me if I am better and did the hospital stay fix my problem. so I smile and just say that I am ok.

I have found that when people see you and you look normal other then maybe pale and underweight for example, they think all is well. I have often wonder if a person didn't need to have bandaging all over there body for others to believe that you are not healthy. Would that make a difference?

I am glad that you are in a good working environment, that is so important stress wise, and that they don't give you a hard time with what you are going through. The few that are not so nice and talk bad things are the ones that will eventually (hopefully) learn a lesson in life about not judging.
I don't know why people have to be so cruel.

I think telling your boss what is going on with you is the most important, the rest of them you need to decide if you want them to know or not. You shouldn't have to justify yourself to any of the other employees that don't pay you your pay check if you don't want to.

You hang in there, and keep working toward your goals in life.

Whispper

By sing2u
Posted July 15, 2008 at 6:28 pm

Oh, thank you, Whisper! I like how you said, "You shouldn't have to justify yourself to any of the other employees that don't pay you your pay check if you don't want to." I didn't really think about it in that way! I also wondered the same thing about people not "seeing" how unhealthy people can be at times.

Must be nice to be self employed! I thought about trying to get a job working from home, but I'm happier when I'm around others. I get very antsy and bored the times I have been at home, esp. when I get sick. Thankfully, my condition also allows me to be able to be out in the workforce. Of course, there are those days when you just don't feel like rolling out of bed to go to work, and just sleep a little bit longer haha!

What do you do that allows you to work from home?

By Whisperingdays
Posted July 15, 2008 at 9:17 pm

I am actually a massage therapist and have been for over 16 years. I have had to cut way down espically since I got diagnosed with the GP and even more since being in the hospital. So atm I only average about 6 hours a week doing massage. I am trying to hang on in hopes that I get a gastric pacemaker, so that I can go back to working more as I love being able to help people feel better.

I also work from my home as a independent contractor processing for a company that does applications for people that are looking for a new car and are wanting to get the best deal on a car in their area. It has been a godsend for me as I know that if the massage doesn't work out I have that to fall back on for now. The good thing about it is that even on the days that I am sick, I can keep my Pjs on and work from my bed if I want to. So I am very lucky to have it.
But when there are so many days that I feel so aweful that also is challenging for me but I keep pushing myself as I need something to distract my mind as much as I can.

You seem like such a determine young woman, please don't ever lose that. You have a life time of good things to come your way so hold on to that.

Whispper

By Adance
Posted July 15, 2008 at 10:12 pm

Welcome to the group!

I totally know how you feel, dealing with a chronic illness and chronic pain in the workplace don't mesh well. I am unable to work right now.

I think I am the only person to actually get fired while on a medical leave!

Management had been trying to get rid of me for a while , I had been in and out of hospitals with my chronic daily migraines for about 3 years and I worked through most of that. It wasn't until my GP got out of control that they really weren't understanding. Something about vomiting for hours at a time and passing out on multiple occasions that they didn't like. I was actually on medical and had been for 2 months then I got the boot! Some bs about not following company policy??

There were a select few who understood how sick I was but most of my co workers treated me as yours do. Some actually thought I was flying to Chicago every 2 months for a vacation instead of being hospitalized. Still to this day,I have not seen Chicago except what I saw on the cab ride to the hospital!

You owe no one an explanation of your health problems...as most of them will not really understand.
I know it is had to take snide comments in stride but that is how you should take them. You are strong woman. You have already faced more than any normal person has faced in their lifetime.

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies WITHIN us"
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Alicia

By docandkate
Posted July 16, 2008 at 6:49 pm

Oh,
Looking at your photo I see you are a bright attractive young lady. All you need to do is show up, and some people will rip you up. It's not just the overweight or less attractive who are discriminated against.

Your lovely smile will open doors for you. Use it to further understanding in this world when you can. I am sure you do already!
Katherine

By Trixie617
Posted July 16, 2008 at 7:55 pm

Sing2u - welcome to the site! Although I have not dealt with GI problems as long as you have... I am still working. I had emergency surgery in February & lost my job because I did not qualify for FMLA (I was a part-time employee) & they could not hold my position as I could not lift for 4 months post surgery... The hospital did hire me back as soon as I was able to meet the demands of my job & my boss is very understanding. So there is an upside. I only work weekends so there is no one I have to answer to & that is the only reason the job works. Plus, there is no "lunch table group" on the weekends so my not eating is not a topic of discussion... And I get to be home with the kids during the week.

Anyhow, my point is there are ways to work around our symptoms...

Again welcome -- Tracie

By Skinny
Posted July 17, 2008 at 5:57 am

I now work for myself (from home and I also visit people) and it is so much better because there are now far more times during the week when I can eat and rest and use the bathroom when I need to. I had not realised how important these things are until I rearranged things. Big picture required here - get the experience and or training you need in the area you love and then go for it! Needs a lot of planning - and support from others - but is really worth thinking about as a quality of life issue.

By michdey
Posted July 18, 2008 at 9:26 am

Hey Everybody,

I thought I'd give my two cents here! Alicia--you are not alone! I had just returned from a medical leave and was protected from it being used against me (supposedly) when I was fired for lack of performance. I still to this day do not understand their logic--they say I was not able to keep up with my work which is true because I was not there to do my work because I was out sick!! Anyway, I could have sued but at the time I was so sick that I wasn't up to it. It was hard enough battling Social Security to get my disability approved.
When I was working however, I kept my supervisor in the loop and a few choice co-workers. I agree that you should not have to air your health problems if you do not feel comfortable with it. I was lucky in that I worked for an insurance company and they had a medical department with a doctor and nurses right on campus so they were able to back me up when I needed to explain my health conditions. I was diagnosed with Lupus, then diabetes, then the gastroparesis all within one year of each other. It was like I went from being fairly healthy to deathly ill in a matter of months so people had alot of questions. Most of them were very caring and interested in helping me out any way they could but there are always those troublemakers who are looking for any kind of gossip so they can talk about others because they are so uncomfortable with themselves. Hang in there! I am so hoping that I can return to work at least part-time after I get my pacer next week. I know it can take up to 6 months for it to work fully but I have high hopes. Take care everyone.

Michelle

By princessfaith82
Posted July 19, 2008 at 8:22 pm

Hey Sing! I can too totally relate to what you are going through. I personally did let my co-workers know what was going on just so they didn't think I was skipping work for fun on days that I was sick. The beginning fo this year, I had to go on long term disability. I am very lucky to work for a small, close knit firm and I get calls from co-workers still to check on how I am doing. I think honesty is definitely the best policy even if it can seem embarassing at times.
Good Luck!
Sarah

By sing2u
Posted July 20, 2008 at 12:49 am

Hey everyone! Sorry for the late reply, but when I read all of these comments and advice it touches my heart how only words of encouragement can make a difference! Thank you all, so much for all your advice and kind words....I really can't say enough! I'm still new to this site, so bear with me as I try to keep up with checking up with you all. I'm so glad I came across Team Inspire!

Anyhoo, I did talk to my supervisor on Wed. about the comment one of my co-worker's made. I didn't mention the name of the person, but I did feel a little better after talking to her. She was once again understanding and supportive, and actually told me I should have said something back to her to put her in her place. I tend not to because I don't feel like I have to explain myself to anyone, but I know I should probably start speaking up to let people know it's not ok to make a comment like that...even if they were just joking (there's always some form of truth to every joke). I know people are always going to talk something about someone. I just can't let people like that get me down, but it's hard to let go sometimes. But I'm a tough cookie, and I'll be ok! Thanks again, to everyone for all your kinds words!

By screamer
Posted July 27, 2008 at 2:47 pm

You should sing to children. I don''t know what makes me say this but you are having some problems because of a "stopped up" channel. Your creative channel is blocked and children would love to hear you sing. You are very pretty and look young so I am sure people have a hard time thinking you are sick. I don't look sick at all and I am. People can see it as a weakness. Go find a way to sing to children. I have not a clue why I say this to you. Does it make any sense to you?
Jeni

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