I think it's time!

Whisperingdays
0 Recommendations

My fight of staying out of the hosptial is at a end. I will be calling my GI doctor tomorrow to have him admit me and start me on the TPN. My frustration has gotten the best of me and I just am exhausted and weak. I am getting to the point where I just can't eat anything or drink much.

My children gave me the most wonderful 50th birthday surprise party yesterday.There were so many people there and I was so shocked. It's funny as I became 50 this past friday I thought to myself what is there to celebrate. As going out to dinner was not a option and I spent most of the night laying on the couch feeling down Most of what I thought were friends had not called me and I thought, so this is how it is going to be. I really felt alone.

My daughter and her husband had told me they wanted to take me to dinner with my son and his family and my parents. I didn't want to go as for me there would be nothing I could eat, and I have been so sick and weak that I really didn't have the stamina to go. But I went and although the night was hard I had fun and cried alot, hugged so many friends and it was great! But all I heard all night long was how thin I am and I needed to eat.

It is bad when you are at a great party for yourself and after 30 minutes all you want to do is go home and go to bed. I realized last night that I am only fooling myself into thinking that going into the *next step* of surviving GP would not happen. Although most of my family and friends don't understand and are clueless, I know they care about me and that was a wake up call for me that I need to just go and have this done so I can feel better. My weight is just about at my cut off so it is time.

I hope I don't sound silly, I know I have talked about this before but I am nervous. The thought of having the PICC line in my arm scares me. I am just hating it. I am sure that once I have it put in and I see how much better I will feel this will all be for the best. I guess I just feel like I will be more of a prisoner to this disease.

So if the doctor agrees and I know he will I hope to be admitted tomorrow or tuesday. I was wondering if your laptops work in the hospital rooms and do they let you use them?

I will let you all know how it goes.

Whispper

6 replies

chewy1
  • By chewy1
  • Posted June 1, 2008 at 9:05 pm

Whissper,
I just got through e-mailing you, then read your posts. I'm so sorry that you are having it so rough and I know going through with the TPN is a hard decision but it may give you some energy when you are able to get the nutrition you need.
It is a shame that you couldn't have felt physically better for your surprise party. But, it great that so many people love you and care about you. That part has to mean a lot to you.
I don't know if you hospital will have WiFi or allow the use of computers but I do know that many of them do now. Our hospitals in my area do provide that for the patients. I know that Charity was able to use hers when she was in the hospital the past few times too.
I hope that if you are admitted that things go good for you and that you begin to feel better soon. I have not had to deal with the PICC lines so can't help you with that at all. I did have to have a central line in my chest a couple of years ago. It wasn't too bad but I don't know if that even compares to any of the other types of tubes and lines.
Please, let us all know if you do get admitted and how things are going. I'll be praying that things work out for you too.
Judy

Char
  • By Char
  • Posted June 2, 2008 at 6:21 am

Whispper,
I know this was a hard decision to make, but I'm sure it will turn out for the best. I understand the trying to fool yourself into thinking it is going to get better and you can tough it out on your own. I'm sorry you weren't feeling better for your party. It's great though that you have family and friends to support you, even if they don't really "get" what all you are going though.
I pray having your PICC placed goes well. I know from experience that it's hard to do, but once they start threading it though the vein try your hardest to relax so your vein will stay more open and that will make it a little easier for them to thread it.
Hopefully this will help and have you feeling stronger soon. Let us know how you are if you can,
Charity

Kate1
  • By Kate1
  • Posted June 2, 2008 at 9:14 am

Whispper,

I'm sorry that you are struggling so much and having to face the hospital and (most likely) TPN. However, I hope that it helps you to feel stronger. I haven't had to go that route yet, and I can understand your fear and resistance to taking that step. But, it sounds like you need it. Hopefully it will be worth it and you will feel much better.

Keep us posted if you can. I wish you the best.

Kate

msmac
  • By msmac
  • Posted June 2, 2008 at 10:19 am

Bless your heart, what a great tribute of love and friendship to have so many at your birthday. Don't you dare feel that the light is gone or that the "next step" won't happen. You can do this, there are people that are on TPN that can eventually eat again, regain weight and strength and continue to have a great life. Yes, our "normal" is now a different one from that of the past, but so many people on TPN do great. I think they watch your liver, but you will find people on this website and the other gp group I belong to that have thriving lifes with TPN for more than 20 years. Please don't be defeated. I will add you to my prayers. I forget to look at this site daily, but will make a better attempt at it. I am blind and sometimes I get tired of running my screen reading programs.

Not all hospitals are Wi-Fi yet, but hopefully yours will be and the many friends that you have at home and here can stay in touch.

Here is to great success with TPN.

Whisperingdays

Thank you guys for your support.

I have a phone call to the doctors nurse and left a message. I know he is doing surgeries today so it may
be awhile til I hear back from them and his nurse is not in so they have the other nurses there checking her messages today. So it's going to be a hurry up and wait day for me.

I know that alot of people are on the TPN and are doing well on it, that is what is giving me the strength to take this next step and have it done.

I am praying that my body will like the TPN. I will try and post back if I do go today.

I know I wouldn't feel as strong as I do about it had it not been for all of you here.

Many hugs,

Whispper

Trixie617
  • By Trixie617
  • Posted June 2, 2008 at 4:28 pm

Whisperingdays - First things first, "Happy birthday!"

I am so-ooo sorry that you are struggling right now. But TPN doesn't have to be a step backwards. Just another step in the GP process. Just know that you are not alone. And PICC lines are not too bad -- I had my early chemo through a PICC before going on to a central line (which oddly enough, I prefered). Don't make any decisions about how "things are"... just let them be. Let's believe that the TPN will make you feel tremendously better, with less fatigue! I will believe that for you until you can believe it for yourself -- consider yourself hugged

Trixie

Add to the discussion

New user? Join here.
Forgot password?
Keep me signed in on this computer until I sign out

Search

Find information and discussion about health topics in 233,260 posts by members like yourself. Learn more...

Join

Join safe, secure groups sponsored by trusted organizations that care about your health. Learn more...

Connect

Connect with 62,136 members and make friends who share your interests, learn about conditions and treatments, find support and more. Learn more...

You