Joining Yasou and Lamorna with Brain Mets

Having joined the Metsters (Oct."07) after 14 years of "clear sailing".....I have now joined Yasou with Brain Mets.
I read her post Mets to brain,"I am devestated"......well, I found out Friday I have at least 15 mets!!! and I too am devastated. Tomorrow I will meet with the radiation oncologist to find out what my course of treatment will be and I am scared....so scared. I have a feeling that I will have the same choices as she had. And all that she said about how she felt is just how I feel!

I do have to tell Yasou---Thank you---- because of what you said about having double vision, I asked for a MRI of my brain. I am not sure I would have been so persistant otherwise!

I had finished 8 months of Taxol (3 weeks on,1 week off) I had a 2 month break and my CA27-29, which is, for me, an accurate measurement of progression, was up significantly. Well, all the icky side effects of Taxol, hair loss, neuropathy, taste, had been improving, but over the last month ( we were on a cruise to Alaska :-) I began having ringing in one ear and my eyesight, already blurry (but I am 65) was not getting better and I realized that when I looked anywhere but exactly straight ahead I was getting double vision. So when I read your post I started to get scared!!! When I went to my Onc. to get things rolling for starting my next chemo---like getting a port for 6 treatments of AC.....I complained strongly about my ear (not only ringing, but now almost completely deaf in that ear also!) and how my eyesight was worsening. He said those were side effects of the Taxol !!!!! but since it had been a year since a brain MRI he would schedule one for the next day.GOOD! So I get the MRI, done by noon.....the radiologist tracked my Onc. down at a hospital and 5 min. later I get the life-changing phone call....you have brain mets.
I don't know if I can do it. I alternate between tears and sheer terror and laughter and denial. Of course the Decadron is probably the reason for that! And the Ambien lets me sleep at night , while my poor scared husband tosses and turns and can't sleep. He is such a source of support and is there for me all the way.....and I know he will continue to be....but I have been so healthy and have had such a basically an easy (!!) time dealing with this nasty Alligator.....Well I/we have a major big, huge ginormis(sp?) challenge ahead of us now. Our 4 kids, 3-married, are scared....the 4 grandkids (6yrs to 11yrs) they know I have cancer) but don't know the details....we will deal with that as it happens....heck I don't know the details!
I have been reading "Inspire" for many months and posted only once or twice, but have found much info. and encouragement, caring hope and love here. I don't post much mainly because I am a slow typest and can't even keep up with my correspondance with family and local friends.....I can read much faster than I can type....
But tonight .....I have to do something besides going to Dr. Google and scare my already scared self to death......and death is not in my vocabulary .....not yet anyway !!!!

Lamorna, I know you are going through the same fears, with hope for the future.....And I echo your words to Yasou for the encouragement to research and prepare for the potential side effects of treatment.....I can hardly bear to think of that right now....that's why I keep writing here so I won't be thinking of it.....typing keeps me paying attention to spellling and grammar!!!! :-))

SOOO, Yasou and Lamorna and anyone else reading this.....Know there is a friend in a town in Minnesota praying, thinking and root-toot tooting for you also.....with all my heart and soul!
Betty