I have found a lump deep in my left breast almost against my chest wall. It has me scared to death. I also have developed an irritating cough that won't go away. Now, I'm thinking that a lung lesion won't be felt, isn't that right? Of course you can't feel lung mets. See how my brain is working? Maybe it's just scar tissue from my reconstruction.
On another discussion someone very wisely said- "It is what it is". I've been dealing with bone mets for 8 1/2 years, and the rational side of my brain is dealing fine, thinking that even if it is "something" we can treat it easily. It's the other part of my brain, the "feelings" side that is imaging all kinds of things. I have always felt that if/when this thing went any further that I wouldn't get all freaky about it. I guess it doesn't matter how long you've had mets, a progression is always a scary thing.
I have an appt with my onco on Friday, so we'll see what he says. It's time for all my scans, anyway, so if there's a "good time" for this to happen, this is it.
Thanks for listening. I have not told anybody else about this, which is just the opposite of what I usually do.
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Imagining the Worst
- By kleighk
- Posted September 27, 2009 at 4:01 pm · 9 replies
- In Recurrence
- Shared with the public
9 replies
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- Newest first
- By maryk58
- Posted September 27, 2009 at 5:53 pm
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Girl, you are already one of my heroes - wow - 81/2 years as a metster! It does more than you know to help me with my own fears when I hear survivor stories like yours. You're doing the next right thing, you're taking care of yourself and you wouldn't be human if you didn't have stress or concern about health symptoms!!
I personally donated my Super Woman cape to the Goodwill the last time Macy's was taking donations. It just got to be TOO heavy! I used the credit for lacy lingerie, altho the way my left implant is shifting into my armpit, I may need to wear a 3-cup before long........... : )
Keep us posted!
- By Deanie
- Posted September 27, 2009 at 6:47 pm
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I absolutely agree that you are an inspiration and it sounds like you are doing the right thing...finding out what is really happening. It would be dificult not to imagine the worst but try not to waste your energy and increase your stress level before it is needed. There is no rhyme or reason regarding this disease so it is pointless trying to figure it out by yourself....or even with our input. I understand how worried you are feeling. We all wonder everytime there is a new tick, ache, rash, etc. if this is some change for the worse in our condition. Please just get the appointment for the scan asap.
- By Beachbabe
- Posted September 28, 2009 at 6:34 am
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Yes, there is some kind of goodwill with the timing of this...scans will figure the whole thing out. I've had a nasty smoker's cough (not one of my vices) for a few weeks now, and asked for a chest x-ray when I had scans two weeks ago. Surely I not only had incurable pneumonia, but my lungs would be full of cancer as well...oh, woe is me, why does this have to happen now when everything was going well? I am too young...huh? The x-ray is totally clean and it may just be allergies since three rounds of antibiotics hasn't hit it? And why yes, three other people in my office do have the same symptoms...
Anyway, the ugly monsters that roam around in our head are much worse than reality. We've been riding this alligator without a saddle (and you for 8+ years!) so bring on the next 'move', and we'll keep riding it just like the bull in Urban Cowboy!
Hugs and love to you, and I hope scans bring with them some sense of peace.
XX00
- By jaf
- Posted September 28, 2009 at 8:17 am
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You are a hero to us - surviving for 8-1/2 years. You give us all hope. I understand the anxiety - I believe that is something we all have and it does not go away. You are doing the right thing by going to your doctors and getting scans. Hopefully, that relieves all your anxieties and you keep on surviving. Prayers and thoughts to you.
- By sr2603
- Posted September 28, 2009 at 8:39 am
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Woo hoo 8.5 years as a metavivor. Go girl go. I hope you dont have lung mets, but if there are any lung mets, dont give up hope! I have had multiple lung mets for over 18 months and doing ok. I also plan to be around for a VERY LONG TIME. As the girls here say, what is, is. I try to think of each day like that and remain positive.
- By StickiVicki
- Posted September 28, 2009 at 4:22 pm
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Imagination is a wonderful thing - only some of the time. All we can try to do is not get carried away with it all. I have only officially been on the mets path for 20 months but in some way the longer things go on ok and more you wait for the sting in the tail. After 8 1/2 years I guess it doesn't get any easier when you have a concern, but it is great for the rest of us to hear about those who are ahead of us on the path. The medics give you no real hope, but the rest of you have helped give me hope, so lets hear it for the Inspirettes...
Hopefully the scans will tell all and that there are good results for you which will put your mind to rest for now.
With crossed fingers, love Vicki xx
- By owensnana
- Posted September 28, 2009 at 5:25 pm
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8 1/2 years! wow! I am a breast cancer survivor, with 18mo. of remission and then after 3mo of testing to see why I was having shoulder pain they found lung mets with some liver mets to boot. I have had 2 rounds of chemo niether tolerated the way that I would have liked. I am now looking at clinical trials that are out there to see if there is anything that I may be needing to try. I am a first time grandma and have a life time to live for. You give people like myself so much inspiration! Peace be with with you.
- By kleighk
- Posted September 29, 2009 at 1:01 pm
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Thank you all so very much!! I feel much better emotionally today so I'm not whining anymore. I plan to keep outliving all the so-called statics and I'm going to dance at my first granddaughter's wedding!! (She's only 11 so I have awhile to go!!)
God bless all of you!!! Love, Karyn
- By CSF
- Posted September 30, 2009 at 12:42 pm
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Hey Karen-
It's always the emotions that get us... too bad we can't all be Spock from StarTrek.
;)
Glad you shared your fears here. I don't tell people (non MBCers) about my concerns anymore either. I think it wears them out.
Hope all comes out well with your scans... at least you were due for them anyway. I'll be thinking of you Friday.
Here's to another 8 yrs!
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