I know that God has forgiven me, but how do I forgive myself

I have been reading this book called "Make Me Your Chocie" and I must say it has been getting me through my stuggle with having an abortion. But I still have my days that I beat myself up and my partner. I know that God has forgiven me but it is so hard to move forward from this, I guess it is becasue I really didn't want to have it. Is there anyone that has any suggestions for me, I am deseperate. I want to forgive myself but I am hurting to much. I pray all the time

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A part of me really hates this site because I always meet others to late to educate them about abortion and other options out there, but then my heart goes out to the pain and suffering women goes through after an abortion. Keep praying.... there are some tough roads ahead and you are going to hit some lows you wont even see coming but hold on things won't stay bad forever. I think your on the right road for recovery. By reading "Make Me Your Choice" you will learn that you are not the only one who has made this choice. Its going to give you a heads up on what to expect. Its going to take time to learn how to accept the decision you made. I wish I could offer something else to ease some of your pain right now but what is there to say that is going to ease the emptiness you feel? Just know God still loves you. We all make decisions in our life that we wish we had not, and once they are made we have to learn from them. I find when I have a problem with a decision I have made that if I try to find a way to make some good come out of the pain than its not all in vain. Ask yourself what you can do to make this situation a little better. You can't take your decision back, but maybe you could create a counceling group for others suffering like you, or perhaps your heart tells you not to let this happen again to you our your friends, maybe you will just want to recommend the book "Make Me Your Choice" to anyone who needs it. My point is what ever you do now could be a legacy for your child. Your child is gone but will never be forgotten. How you remember him/her will be you decision; with hurt and regret, or with a fondness that gets you through the day. I will keep you in my prayers. I hope this is of some help.

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I feel your pain. I underwent the chemical abortion because the man I believed to be the father was not someone I wanted to be constantly reminded of. I learned later (by stealing a glance through my file) that it was probably my ex boyfriends child, whom I am now back together with. It makes me so angry at myself to know that if I had just taken a little bit more time to think about it and investigate it that I probably would have decided to proceed with the pregnancy. The fact that I could have been so impulsive about ending another human's life, my won child's life!, scares the hell out of me. I have good days and bad days in coping with this, but I'm trusting that God has a plan through all of this and that no matter what I have done, I can still lead an amazing life through Him. Just keep pushing and don't forget what you can still accomplish here.

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Thanks, hearing this made me feel pretty good. The book was amazing and I don't feel alone when it comes to what I did. I will use my bad decision to help other, so we can put an end to abortion. I am pro-life forever

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It amazes me how many woman who were pro choice and had an abortion become pro life after wards. Dont get me wrong I think its great and im pro life myself, i just wish others could get all the facts before they chose and had to endure all this guilt and pain, if you ever need to talk im here

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I feel the same way as the girl that posted the original post. All I need is someone to talk to that actually understands and no one seems to. The guy I went through this with was there for me, but had a new girlfriend a month later. It tore me to pieces because he just nonchalantly said "I feel horrible and I'll always be here, but I still have to live my life." I wish I could. Maybe it didn't hit him like it hit me. I try not to think about it but, I live with this every day. Every time I see a baby I can't help but to cry or think what ours would have been like or looked like..

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Just like all who have responed to the orginal post, I too find myself thinking constantly of what would have been. I didn't want to do it either and until the very end (laying on the table) the anesthesiologist saw me crying and told me I didnt have to do it. Which was strange to hear coming from someone who was there just to do a job. But in her eyes I saw actual compassion. As I write this i can't help but to break down (which I too do alot of) because throughout my "decision process" I asked God for some type of "sign" as to why I shouldn't do it. Sadly, I now realize that the 'signs' were THERE (the anestheiologist, the three year old little girl in a restaurant one night who just kept staring at me for no reason). Yet, my 'signs' were 'camouflaged' by the things that were 'right' for my husband at the time as he felt that at this stage of our life we( really him) did not need another child (We have two). What he fails to see is that I HATE Him for the direction that he pointed me in and I HATE the fact that I allowed myself to walk that road which I now walk alone because he doesnt see what the big deal was. I too try to forgive myself but I HAVEN'T reached that point yet; not sure if I will even get there.

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Hi. I've recently joined the group because I desperately need to find some internal peace. Your blog seems to be everywhere and I so wish that I had read them before terminating because I truly believe that I would have acted with my heart and not out of fear or what others wanted. With that said, I just want to say thank you because your words are comforting to all of us who are STRUGGLING.

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Brokensoul if I can be of any help I will do my best. Just like you said in your blog when you asked God for signs on what to do but didn't see them with the little girl, the kind anesthiologist, that bad feeling you had before the abortion, etc. I just want to tell you that God is still giving you those signs, He still loves you just look at the signs, this blog the people you are talking to, even the pain and emptiness you feel. If we remember the pain our decision cause we are less likely to choose the same way again. If we feel the pain everyday we are more likely to talk about it and share it with others, to warn them. I know your hurting a lot right now and it makes you angry that your husband isn't, but he is still the same man you loved before the abortion, the same one your 2 kids call daddy, talk to him, let him now how much your hurting and how empty this feels, ask him to help you find a way to heal. Some men may not realize what a woman feels after an abortion because they never carry a life inside them. It may help if you can refocus the lose of your child into saving another. Thats all I try to do, every blog I can post, even if the abortion has already been done, may reach another women looking at the site thinking about an abortion. If I can save one baby, one woman the pain she doesn't know she is going to feel then my time is well spent. And for those who already had an abortion if I can help them heal a little or get them to help get the message out of what life is like after the abortion, it helps us all. If you need to talk let me know. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

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He will forgive you Jesus did not die in vain as long as you believe. If you have changed and are now born agian you will see the child youw ould of had one day and there will be so much happiness you won't ever hurt again.

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I made the decision Feb 19 2010 to end my babies life. I lied to the father and told him i had a miscarriage. I was having complications anyway. There were signs I say my guardian angel telling me not to. The first time I tried it took 8 hours before i even saw a nurse. I left . I had to go home. THe second time I came back. The nurse told me it would cost more. it just so happened i had the right amount. She paused and asked me you are further along than before does that change anything. do you feel any differently about what your about to do? i just wanted out. me and the fatehr were not together . he has no kids. but he never said he was going to be with me baby or no baby. I already have that type of situation. I did not want it again. I agonized over my choice. The thing that scares me is I blacked out. I dont remember the procedure or what happened after I walked into the room. I just remember afterwards being sat in a chair. I kept thinking this people dont care about me. Noone does. I suffer so much in my heart and soul. If i had known hw bad it would be . I would have ran for my mental life. Its worse because even though he believes it to be a miscarriage he has gone on with his life. i feel like an afterthought. im not a stupid teen im over 30. May God have mercy on my soul. im trying to get through. There is no greater pain than taking your childs life. how selfish i felt of me to have my other but not his one. I ask noone forgiveness just GODs. I did this to myself. Im shaky at times . im mentally stressing. It has affected me. I haVE NEVR DRANK A DAY IN MY LIFE YET ALMOST TRIED TO PUT MY SELF IN AN ALCOHOLIC COMA. WHAT STOPPED ME WAS I STILL HAVE A FAMILY TO LOOK AFTER. there is noone for me to talk to. Pray for me.

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It's like i said above, he goes through this with you and feels your pain the same. believe in jesus get better not worse, and he will in no way cast you out. you will see your child and it will be as nothing ever happened. and he will trully know your sorrry.

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one decision,
Your not alone. We ALL make mistakes!! Sometimes our biggest mistakes are made out of fear. Fear can make people do things they normally never would. It can make a husband leave his wife to fend for herself in robbery while he runs to safty, it can make one brother leave another brother to die laying wounded on a battle field, it can even make a mother leave her screaming children in a house fire to save herself. FEAR is a strong force and it can tear down even the best of people. You know your a good person if after that fear resides you feel the consequences of your actions. We all hurt and we all feel eachothers pain. You were right to say God is the only one seek forgiveness from. We are not here to judge or point fingers. You said that "you were not some stupid teen you were over 30." I myself just turned 31 yesterday, but please know no one is stupid we just make some bad decisions. Alot of people here are suffering all diffent age groups teens to 60's. And were all here to help you any way we can. Gods forgiveness will come but you have to learn to forgive yourself as well. Its not easy but keep talking keep sharing we will do what ever we can to help. God bless. I will keep you in my prayers

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