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Apprehension and Anxiety

goldi111
  • By goldi111
  • Posted June 28, 2009 at 6:32 pm · 11 replies
  • Shared with the public
0 Recommendations

Part of me wishes it was time for my appointment with the surgeon on Tuesday. The other part of me wishes the days could just go on & on because I need more time to adjust to this new idea of being "sick".

Explore topics in this journal entry and replies:

Anxiety Cancer Surgery Meditation Stress

11 replies

Jennali

I understand. I think it is okay to feel both ways.

There is no timeline to adjusting to your new reality. Give yourself all the time you need.

Are you making a list of questions for the doc? Make sure to write things down. It is so easy to say "okay, okay" when the doc is talking, an then you get home and think "What did s/he say about...?"
Is your husband going with you? I didn't have anyone with me when I was told I might have cancer. I had gone in for what I was sure would be uneventful ultrasounds.

I hope your meeting with the gyn/onc is a good one, and you come away feeling you are in good hands.

goldi111

Thanks for the post, Jennali! My husband and I packed our things today and travel 3 hrs to the Twin Cities (MN) to see the gyno/onc surgeon. From there we'll find out if it's immediate surgery to remove the tumors and do the hysto, etc. or if I'll need chemo first to shrink them. Either way, I'll know something Tuesday am. We are checking into the guest apts. connected to the hospital for the first night at least. That way, if I have surgery right away, my hubby has a place to be when he's not in the room with me.

I purchased TWO notepads, and have schooled my husband on his duties while the surgeon is talking. ha ha We'll take notes and it's really a great idea, because if I get emotional, it'll all be written down to digest later. This surgeon has been practicing for over 30 years and was referred by my internal med doc whom I trust very much.

Taking the laptop with me, so hopefully I can get on her and update the ladies with my progress/prognois/stage, etc. Thanks again! : )

Patricia123

Good good luck to you! I felt better on seeing the surgeon/onc and having surgery. I just wanted it out!

Adjustment is an ongoing process from what I experienced.There are levels of awareness and feeling. First the shock, then the being slowly more aware of things. It took me months and I still am adjusting and realizing new things.

I guess it is like life,,I expected the best and was not disappointed in those who were around me.

Take a good look at the surgeon,,I was surprised at how much I grew to like and trust and depend on him. There is something about surgeons,,they just know what they are doing. They aren't much good for crying on however,,the oncology nurses are great for that.

goldi111

Patricia-
Now I've run out of days. The appt. day is tomorrow already. It'll be better though, when I know what I'm dealing with, and I agree with you about just wanting it out. I have grown to despise the tumor and no longer want something growing inside of me. Maybe I could have a "Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish" party after my surgery! It's a thought...

goldi111

Almost forgot, on the subject of the surgeon. I was told that he is a real tough guy with no bedside manner. Not really something you want to hear, but he is also supposed to be the best around! That's all I care about. His nurse has already told me that her's is the first smiling face I'll see and that I've already got two hugs coming. lol I'll get my comfort from the nurses & my family if I need it and just leave the surgeon to his expertise! At least I know, going in so I don't rush up to him and throw my arms around him! ha ha

kimsmom

By the way, is your name Goldi? Wanted to make sure when we pray.
Re: your surgeon...don't care about the warm and fuzzy..just how well he can go after every cell and tissue of that yucky cancer!! We are praying that God will guide him and use him to do God's work in your healing. Just remember..you have two or three weeks of what I think is the worse part of this and by August, you are going to be getting back to normal! Just sleep as much as you can thru July..and in August [after chemo really puts this enemy in its place], you can start looking at the garden and planning what pretty things you want to plant for Fall. I believe your Fall of '09 will be nice..even with the occasional chemo. So much to look forward to that will get your mind off the fight...Thanksgiving..Christmas..and then..yay!! Happy New Year 2010!! Remission time!
ONE DAY AT A TIME!!
HUGS TO YOU AND YOUR MOM AND GIRLS!!

lovemnms

Hi,
My surgeon wasn't warm and fuzzy. He had no bedside manner either but he is the best in our area, did a great job with my surgery, and I can't complain about anything he did.

Now having a kind oncologist I believe is very important. Mine is so kind and compassionate. He helped me get through the treatments.

I wish the best for you.

Lovemnms

goldi111

Thanks to all of you for your responses! You're right, don't really care about my surgeon's personality just so he knows what he's doing! I've dealt with people like that in the past, and don't let them bother me. I did, however get a big smile and a laugh out of him when his nurse came over and threw her arms around me and gave me a big kiss! haha I think he's got a big heart...just lot's of trees planted around it so it's hard to see.
Today, I'm so tired, slept late and got up only to lay on the couch and sleep another few hours. I've been awake for about 4 hrs. and could sleep some more very easily. Lately, my eyes have a mind of their own. On the way back from the Twin Cities yesterday, I layed in the back seat while Greg drove and once I closed my eyes once, I just felt like I could not open them again. He said I was "out" right away and slept all the way home. Maybe it's good for me to get used to the fatigue now. God's way of giving me a practice time before the big game! ha ha
Kimsmom-my real name is Lisa. Lisa Marie - Elvis named his kid after me. lol
I think the key for me right now is patience and faith! I will enjoy every little thing I can and look forward to the fall like Kimsmom said and my flowers & veggies doing something new! My love and prayers to you all!
Hugs : )

her911

yes, it is a shock to realize that we have been diagnosed with a life threatening disease...read
the book, Anti Cancer by David Servan Shreiber...
he is not a quack...he discusses all the hormones
and secretions that influence cancers...he proposes
an anti cancer diet, the same one used in the teaching
hospital where I get my care. There are all sorts of
hormones and secretions influenced by our mind
and our diet/exercise regimens. I have always been
in control of my life and cancer makes me feel out of
control of myself...the one thing I can control is
what I consume...I only eat good stuff and avoid
"bad stuff"...no alcohol and no red meat....I can't digest beef anymore anyway. At the hospital where
I get care there are free programs including massage,
meditation, yoga, jin shin, reiki...all are good for stress
control and are good distractions. After I had my
surgery, I was told to call all my friends and family
to tell them I needed their help. My life has changed...
no longer can play golf but I can go out to dinner
and do short term things like movies, opera, etc.
I like music, not into reading too much because chemo
makes my mind crazy....but deep breathing reduces
stress. Try it from your stomach. Her911

goldi111

Her911-thanks for the tips, I don't drink alcohol (anymore), and have a real aversion to meats usually. Going to Mac & Don's for a Big Mac is a thing of the past and has been for awhile. I do practice yoga (I'm a beginner) and I really enjoy that. Also the deep breathing thing works for me. My mother has told me from the time I was a little girl "Take a deep breath" when I was upset. I'm looking to get some healthy recipes for the future. I'm already a veggie lover and have great gardens this year, so that's good. Thanks for the tip on the book!

kalo555

I sometimes wonder if any of us really fully adjust to the idea that we have/had cancer. I was given two options, surgery which my surgeon was favoring, or chemo 1st to shrink it and then surgery. My personal opinion was that I wanted it out asap and then do chemo to kill the microscopic cells that were left. I don't know if psychologically I was prepared to do chemo 1st because knowing that it was still there, sitting in my body, would drive me nuts. I realize that it depends on the person and perhaps in some instances doing chemo 1st may be the way to go. I just knew for me I wanted everything out, the sooner the better. What also helped me was visualization. Focus on quieting your mind and imagine your body fighting off those nasty cells. I actually imagined little warriors in my body, shooting the cancer cells and then a vacume coming along and sucking them out of my body. You can create what seems right to you. Sounds odd Im sure to many, but you can in part help to heal your body through imagery. I wish you well. What is helpful to know is that all that you fear, all that you are going through, we have all gone through and in many cases still going through the same thing. You are not alone and thank goodness that we can share and support each other through this site.

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