Someone suggested I write down my thoughts and tell my story for a couple of minutes each day. I am a mom, a friend, a caregiver. You name it I probably do it. I think it is important to share that my son Mason died of cancer a year and half ago. I struggle with grief every day. I had worked in cancer before Mason got sick. So I am also an advocate for cancer and its various issues.
So what is today like? Today, I am working. I work for Inspire. It is a great job and allows me to be in touch with so many different types of organizations trying to help patients. I think that like other grieving people- you try to find a balance- a balance between trying to give 100% to everything in your life and still be able to grieve for the one you lost. Life goes on whether you are ready or not. The trick is to be able to go on and yet still respect the healing that needs to happen. I do not think you ever get over losing a child. But I do think you learn to live with the pain in a different way.
How to find that balance??- I am not sure. I'd love to hear how others have sought to find that space to grieve but still be able to function in life and keep going. Your thoughts?
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A suggestion
- By dleach
- Posted June 2, 2009 at 4:48 pm · 11 replies
- Shared with the public
- Edited June 2, 2009 at 4:52 pm
Explore topics in this journal entry and replies:
11 replies
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- By afunkydamsel
- Posted June 2, 2009 at 5:56 pm
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Hi D:
Let me take this opportunity to say that you and yours are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry for your loss.
The hardest loss so far for me has been the loss of both sets of grandparents. While dealing with these losses I found that keeping busy really helped because I was able to not focus on what was gone. Getting on with the business of living life in the land of the living kept me from drowning in that pit of sorrow that comes when one loses someone. Talking with family members who were also dealing with the loss also helped because they seemed to understand. And, if I were in your position (had lost a young son) I would seek grief counseling with a professional therapist. They may be able to help you put things in perspective as it relates to moving on.
May God be with you and yours now and always.
- By opus1953
- Posted June 2, 2009 at 6:51 pm
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dleach,
Thank you for the post and I am truly sorry for your loss. I am not a parent so I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you carry and suffer with the loss of your child. But, my sister who lost one of her twin daughters in a tragic car accident said to me recently that her life is bearable now. That is not to say that she and her surviving daughter are free from their pain...no, I do not think so. As with you, I am so sure, they will always feel that pain, that void - for life as you once knew it has changed...forever. I am sending you love, light and peace in hopes that it brings you comfort in your new journey/Opus
- By deebelle
- Posted June 3, 2009 at 7:59 am
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I read your other beautiful post about your Mason. I think Mason has the answer for you. What would Mason say to you now??
With blessings;
Dee
- By RMJ
- Posted June 3, 2009 at 9:48 am
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Hello! My t of houghts and prayers are with you. My sister has stomach cancer and has been in pain since August, 2008. They took most of her stomach. This was followed by chemo and radiation. She was very sick. She did feel better for a little while, but then she had a follow-up operation in January that they closed her up. Her cancer is sprinkled throughout the area like sand. She had more chemo. She got very sick and hasn't had food to eat for weeks. Hospice
has come in to help. Right up to a couple of weeks ago , she continued to take her dog for a good walk twice a day. Her courage, along with the courage of the many cancer patients out there amazes me. I can't imagine life without her, but I know the time is very limited. I can't begin to know how it feels to lose a child. I dread the news I have to break to my parents today. Thank you for having this sight for us, so that we can let our feelings be expressed.
- By dleach
- Posted June 3, 2009 at 10:20 am
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Thank you for your insights and kind words.
- By iva1
- Posted June 3, 2009 at 11:56 am
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DLEACH: It was good of you to follow the suggestion. I admire you for helping so many with cancer and AIDs;especially having lost your own precious son as you battled to help him and so many others. I cannot imagine the great loss of of a child Ihave 4 (62;59;50;47) and have experienced much happiness and sorrow as we have lived our lives including my husband being in the Pacific for 3 1/2 years in WW2 and the loss of my only brother who was killed over Germany and now to watch the deteriation of my husband's body with one challenge after another. My help comes by putting full faith and believe in our God and continue to trust Him for His Plan for each of our lives - whether to live or die for in my heart I know that we were "born to die" and I endeavor to "give THANKS IN ALL THINGS (not FOR but IN} THE LORD GIVES STRENGTH PEACE AND JOY THROUGH IT ALL. Seems you are doing this.
- By dollycat6
- Posted June 4, 2009 at 9:42 am
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dleach thank you so much for a beautiful albiet sad story of your brave little boy and how you and your family coped with the loss of that precious 4 year old. It gives us pause to consider so many lives that are touched by cancer and thank you for not turning away from cancer but you've turned it into a something you can understand for the rest of us and give us all the determination to fight and try to live as normal a life as possible. Bless you and yor family.
dollycat6
- By ltlmary
- Posted June 9, 2009 at 8:39 pm
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I lost my mother when I was 26 years old, it has been about one year and six months. I still feel as if I am floating around and just dealing with every day life. I know in my heart that I will never be truly happy again, ever because of her loss. She was my everything, the rock of the family, my wonderful mother, she loved her children dearly. I do work and function and I have been able to since she died but it of course, has been hard. I am now finding it even harder right now to deal with her death, and I don't know why. I guess I have been ignoring the sadness and pain and now it is time to deal with it, and that is why I am here to read others stories and to share my story as well.
- By Cherime
- Posted August 7, 2009 at 9:23 pm
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hi! you are strong. Keep it up. I'm proud of your dedication and compassion. It's true life goes on, God Bless You.
- By hope4seka
- Posted August 8, 2009 at 8:31 am
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Dear Dleach,
Thank you for the post and I am truly sorry for your loss. Please except my sincere and deepest sympathy. I am a parent too, I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you carry and suffer with the loss of your child. My daughter mom of 2 little ones (4 and 6)was diagnose with Advanced Ovarian Cancer …stage III-C… November 5,2008 … I am so terrified ….I can’t even imagine something happening to her I don’t know how will I deal with it… You are strong leady and inspiration to all of us.
Thank you again for your post. I will have you and your family in my heart and prayers.
Sincerely, Seka’s mom, Rada
- By BuddyPal
- Posted August 8, 2009 at 12:12 pm
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Hi - dleach
I think that you are doing great !!!
I lost my only child - who was my best friend...
June of 2007 !!! I know the feeling....
You say that you wonder - how to find that space to grieve ? I can tell you that in my life - I on purpose try to not think to long about the tragedy, because when I do... I start to cry... It seems that I can not overload my emotions about it - so I try to stay busy...
I can't help but think about my child that I love so much...and when I do...I purposefully tell myself that he is in heaven - where he is happy - with the rest of our family that have gone too....And I believe that if my child were asked how they feel about their mom - that he would say that..."I want her to be happy - because I love her - and that everything is alright !!!
In heaven they know that they will see their loved one's soon !!! And we should know that too !!!
It's natural for people to wonder - But whatever comes natural....is what's best for you !!! You can't do this wrong !!! Time does heal !!! And - If it helps... I know what your going through...
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