I'm trying to be happy for him

• By Maloreigh
• Posted September 21, 2008 at 9:04 am
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I have made this conclusion. You know how the economy and the job market are crap right now? So is the dating market.
SERIOUSLY.
I will save my descriptions of the available people of our generation for a more private message, lol.
But please know this. You have to believe you're awesome before other people will. And dude... you ARE.
I don't tell a lot of people that, but obviously, if you are awesome enough to be in my top 8 that says something. so stop marketing yourself as a bad anything!

I hear you on every level though- it is hard to get out and meet people and bla bla bla.
For now I'm realizing, maybe it's best to just live life for you and *gag* things will happen when they're meant to.
I have kind of learn the best things happen when you're not planning/hoping for them.

I'll talk to you soon...

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• By OkeyDay
• Posted September 22, 2008 at 12:02 am
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Hey Jameson,

From a mother's viewpoint, I just want you to know that you are a terrific catch for any girl! You are an attractive young man with a heart and that is a huge plus because guys like you are few and far between. When I met you and Zak at the conference, I was amazed by your positive outlook on life even given what you deal with on a daily basis. As Maloreigh says, it will happen when you least expect it. Hold your head up high because even though all of us deal with issues, the Lord has you in his sight and has made you the compassionate, attractive young man you are in order to attract the kind of woman you truly deserve: a woman who loves you for who you are and will stand by you no matter what. I have dealt with low self esteem all my life and it will always be a struggle, but I am okay with who I am. You are an amazing gift to any girl that is lucky enough to have you in her life and you should not think any less.

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• By Judi-1
• Posted September 22, 2008 at 10:25 pm
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I understand what you mean when you say you are trying to be happy for your brother, but... I am often struck by how unfair it all seems that my brothers have everything going so well...lots of friends, great parties, the ability to go somewhere at the drop of the hat w/o having to lug a bunch of healthcare supplies and spend two days planning, just in case... Life isn't fair. We are human, we compare our lives with others and we get jealous or even envious. My brothers are both healthy but when they do get sick, it's a cold or maybe the flu and they act like the world came to an end and they are back on their feet in a week or two, no worse for wear. My mother will call and tell me how great my brothers' lives are going and there are times it makes me cry...I just can't hear it and be overjoyed. Most of the friends I had before I got sick got tired of the routine of me being sick all of the time. I wasn't fun anymore and they eventually just stopped calling. It hurts. But at the same time, I finally came to the understanding that it is sometimes better to be alone than with someone who makes you feel small or drives you crazy. Our society deals with couples: boyfriends & girlfriends, husbands & wives. They acts as if being single is a sign of being a social failure when in fact it is better than being with someone who is wrong for you. I learned that I was happier in my own company where I didn't have to justify myself to anyone. I came to a place where I didn't allow other people to dictate whether I was important or not, valuable or not. People tend to judge people's worth by how they look or what they do for a living or who their friends are...superficial things. Spend time getting to know yourself and develop interests and hobbies that will inevitably attract people to you, not because you are handsome or cute but because you are interesting and have value independent of how you appear to others outwardly. If someone is going to give you a hard time because you are sick, get rid of them. Don't allow anyone to waste your time or make you question your worth. There are worse things than being single. Being alone isn't the same thing as being lonely. I know that is something your grandmother may have said to you, but granny knows.
Be good to yourself, you are valuable.

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• By Frantik
• Posted September 30, 2008 at 1:24 pm
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Hi Jameson:

I just replied to Tierney's message and so am reminded this morning of what it's like to be a young person with chronic illness. It's not easy to say the least. I went off to college (a small school where everyone lived on campus) right after having spent about 4-5 months in the hospital and having 3 surgeries in a row (bowel obstructions, etc.). I have so many physical problems, including multiple scars, a spinal curvature, etc. I had a lot of friends in college, but didn't do a ton of dating. I had such a hard time figuring out, regarding my health problems & dating, a) how much to tell, and b) when to tell. I tried different approaches, some to disastrous results. Like the night I drunkenly told a cute boy who'd been chasing me for months, every surgery I'd ever had in gory detail. (And there have been quite a few of them.) What was that about??! Let's just say he didn't chase me after that!

I soon realized that while honesty is hugely important, it also makes sense to let things out slowly and in small doses. I also realized that confidence is one of the most important things in dating. People will often see what you present, so to a degree you have to believe that you are worthy of a relationship. In the midst of a crisis about my lack of long-term, meaningful relationships, I realized that I had 2 choices. I could shut myself off from love because it's not fair to the person I fall in love with and/or b/c I fear rejection. Or, I could open myself up to the possiblity and believe that I deserve love and that people can make the decisions that are best for them. (In my experience, if the person is not interested in a damaged body and past/future health issues, they will let you know sooner than later.) I chose the latter, on a very conscious level. The pain of putting myself out there, I decided, would ultimately be easier to handle than the pain of not experiencing life to the fullest.

It's OK to have an honest assessment of your drawbacks, but you should have just as honest of an assessment of what you bring to your relationships. I can see just from your friends in this group that you are a sensitive soul and you are a cutie. So, that's just 2 things that I can see from a distance. I'm sure there's much more. You need to remember that you are quite young and it's perfectly fine to take a break from relationships right now if you're not up to it, or to just get out and date around to see what happens. I was in the latter place when I met my husband at a party. We went out on a date the following weekend and became immediately inseparable. We will celebrate our 10-year anniversary in December. :) I have no doubt that you will have a similar story about meeting your soul-mate in a few years!

So, I say go ahead and let yourself feel a range of emotions about your brother's engagement. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off, as you always do I'm sure, and dress up for the festivities and who knows, maybe one of the bridesmaids will be single and fabulous?!

-Fran

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