Oct 8th 2008

• By Carol40
• Posted October 8, 2008 at 7:59 am
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When my mom was fighting cancer I woke up every day with tears on my cheeks. That's how I would start each morning, crying. I felt so helpless, didn't want her to suffer, prayed every day that God would take her before she experienced any pain. I'm the type of person who likes to have control and I knew that it was out of my hands and that infuriated me.

My husband had some good advice for me that, of course, I didn't listen too. He went through lung cancer with his first wife. He would tell me each day, "she's okay right now, and she's not in any pain." "You need to calm down for your own health and take this one day at a time, she wouldn't want you getting sick over this."

Please don't feel as if your a horrible son. This is all so overwhelming. Your a loving son who doesn't want to see his dad in any type of pain whatsoever.

Take care, Carol

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• By vh
• Posted October 8, 2008 at 9:18 am
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I hope they can cure your dad too. The feeling of having this diagnosis thrown into our little worlds is something I cannot put into words. Our lives are changed forever and the worry and heartache we feel for our loved one is overwhelming. Guilt over living a "normal life" sets in and the cancer diagnosis again rules our lives. When I'm feeling really down...it's my sister...who is the patient...is the one that brings me back! She tells me she's going to be fine or we cry together and it feels good to let it all out. She has 2 little boys (2 and 4) and we are still in shock over her diagnosis. She never smoked and wasn't exposed to any other risk factors. She was living a happy , healthy life until this came about. So , no, you are not wrong to make this want to all go away.....we all want it to...and it's not selfish....ultimately we want it to go away so they can live the abundant life God promised.

God Bless

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• By pattyp1
• Posted October 8, 2008 at 9:25 am
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dearest, dearest Guiseppe,
you are anything but horrible - all you want is for your daddy to feel good - that makes you the best possible son - I am so very proud of you and am sure your daddy is also.....
hugs
Pat

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• By hopefuldaughter
• Posted October 8, 2008 at 5:27 pm
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If you get the train to stop, could you please drag me off too?

I think you're feeling normal. I go through stages of feeling kind of okay, then guilt for feeling okay, then guilt for not being able to be with my mom all the time, then guilt for not giving my all at work, then guilt for not being sick. Arrgghh.

Really, all you're feeling is part of this process. There is still lots of hope for your dad. Funny thing, I posted about my mom's Drs appt yesterday and got some good advice on living for today and trying not to get too down. Find my post and read it! You're not alone!

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• By barbaray
• Posted October 8, 2008 at 6:49 pm
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Dear Guiseppe--It does NOT mean that you are a bad son, that you wish the cancer would go away. Of course you do!

I think one of the things that is so hard to take--maybe even harder for males--is the loss of any control over the situation.

That's understandable too. However, you do have a bit of control over how you choose to react to the terrible situation with which you are confronted.

I know you are doing your best--now please don't beat up on yourself, and hang in there--

Warm wishes from Barbara

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• By Marie400
• Posted October 9, 2008 at 7:26 am
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You're not a bad son. In fact, it sounds like you're a pretty good one.

My Mom passed away on Monday from lc. Every day since the day she dx'd I hoped this would be over soon, meaning she would respond well to treatment and get better. That didn't happen for her, but doesn't mean that it can't happen for your Dad.

This is a situation we have no control over. CANCER- the dreaded disease. You have no control over cancer, but you can't let cancer control you. Just be - yourself, with your family - and do the best you can each day. Nobody can ask for more than that.

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• By Giuseppe0319
• Posted October 9, 2008 at 7:50 am
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Thank you all for your loving words. I know in my heart that I am doing the best that I can... The heart truly does what the brain can't... it just doesn't feel normal. Then again, what is normal after getting hit by that runaway train?

Control, as much as I hate to admit it, is a major factor for me. I never thought I was controlling! Coming from a Italian family, where size and voice volumes were not a concern…lol... control is a big issue, just not for me. I now see that I was passive aggressive in controlling situations.

I was usually the one behind the camera taking the action shots while everyone acted the part.

I guess Shakespeare was right:

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts!"

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• By kaencarsmom
• Posted October 9, 2008 at 9:58 pm
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Hugs to you. You are not a terrible son. I am in the situation you are in with my dad. Its horrible. I love him so much and i cant imagine life without him. Sometimes i feel selfish because i want him here for ME. And of course my mom. I wish that we could all get off of this stinking train. It SUCKS plain and simple doesn't it?!

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